Love

Love

15 chapters / 29371 words

Approximately about 2 hours to read

Description:


Gabe knows about Skyllar’s
relationship with Zack but chooses to stay anyway. Zack loves Skyllar but he can’t always show it or he just plain forgets about her until he sees her again. Skyllar gets mad because Zack never gives her attention, but Gabe gives it all to her. Gabe’s main job is to protect Skyllar and be with her, or be watching her all the time. And that’s exactly what he does. Should Skyllar stay with Zack, or start over with Gabe? Will she fight for a love or loose to a new one?
Love

Genres:

Fantasy, Novel, Romance

Comments(11)

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over 3 years ago Ryan James said:

I think that this was well written!!! It's not my type of book since you know, I'm a guy... but I still didn't mind reading it. The descriptions were great!!

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almost 4 years ago Forrest Bly said:

Hmm, Your writing is brilliant, the way you put your words has a great descriptive simplicity to them. I could feel your character's nervous searching in the beginning, and the Bible verse as a way to open the story, great thinking! You have an opportunity, to improve and build upon this. I would encourage you to see where this story could go.

Regards, -Forrest

Notebook and pen

almost 4 years ago Clara said:

lOVE IT

My blue eye

almost 4 years ago Behind Sapphire Eyes said:

I'm glad you like the cover, Mads!

Reviews(2)

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about 4 years ago WritersParadise23 said:

SWAP for "Poems of Existence and Experience" OR "The Last Sunset":

Okay, well it took me a little earlier to finish reading this (earlier than expected) and I thought I would be in-depth with this to make more... refined and punctual to the human eye. I DO apologize if this sound harsh at all, but this is all to help you, as a writer, to flourish and have a better conception of grammar and punctuation. Again, I do apologize if I come off as being harsh.

First off, I can already say that the quote at the beginning was very sweet. I'm not familiar with Nicholas Sparks's novels, well not all of them really, but I know of them. That was a sweet quote, but his are almost predictable to make. I don't say to change it, but enhance on it if you will.

Now onto the story itself... This was, by far, a very sweet story, and had alot of imagery intertwined in it. I could capture everything that was happening and the plot for it comes in almost like the abrupt call to chance and call to escape from normality. It was very unique, however, there are some issues that I thought I would address that it would make it appealing and flow better.

To begin, I'd like to address your structure. You have some paragraphs that are extensively long and some that are short. You might want to break it up so that it is evenly coherent for the reader and that way he or she doesn't lose place while reading. It also helps for the fact that you can lose a reader's attention in a large paragraph as opposed to short lines.

Next, your grammar and punctuation have some notable issues that can easily be fixed. First off, you are misusing homophones greatly throughout this (e.g. prinicple should be "principal", too should be "to", etc.) and that can be distracting. Then, you have spacing issues between words and sentences are make your statements or concurrent points either lost or missed by the reader. You also have punctuation issues, where you have statements that appear to be run-ons without ANY punctuation or statements that are missing commas, periods, and so on.

You DEFINITELY should read this over so revision can make an outstanding impact on your reader. There could be some things that I missed, but those are the most obvious that I caught. Sometimes things can be "seen" as a final draft to writers, but even a final draft can be revised (Mary Shelley's Frankenstein is a notable example).

Next, your diction is slightly lacking for this kind of story, and even though it is being told from a first-person point-of-view, it feels like the writer is too much like the character, and the character should have its own persona. I just feel like the connection to the reader wasn't really all there for me.

Then, here's what I have to ask for the story itself, in terms of the detail. Your drug reference is confusing in the second chapter. I know you meant Joint (Mary-Jane, Marijuana, etc.), but your statement does not sound as fluid. Usually, when I hear that about joints, I think "So, let's turn on" or "Let's blast a joint" or something that involves the drug itself. Some people have been known to ingest MJ (paraphrasing to make it simpler to read) or inhaling, but you might want to reword that to get your point across.

Then, the ending of your second chapter seems like you have a sentence or entire section MISSING from it, so I'm not sure if Figment was saying "April Fools" to you when you posted it, but you might want to fix it to get your story to be more fluid on here.

Next, is Cj supposed to have the "j" lower-cased or, since it is two names, should it be CJ (like TJ from Recess or AJ from Backstreet Boys... since I know pop culture references too... Man, I'm old...) I just felt that was... odd to me. Clever, but odd.

Finally, what does the acronym TAHS stand for in chapter...3, if I can recall? (It's where the principal is addressing the boys about his daughter being accepted to the school and so forth). I get that HS stands for High School, but IF it is an All-Boys Talent High School, should it be (ABTHS) or did I miss the name and that's what the name is? Sometimes, if it is an acronym, it should be fully explained earlier on or simplified better to get your point across.

Overall, I thought your story was very nicely crafted, but I do see that this NEEDS revision to make it from a baby duckling into an adult duck, swimming and flying with the effect to wanting to have a life of its own. Right now, it is in that baby duckling stage and YOU are the parent. Nurse it to health and make it your crowning achievement! You have great potential as a writer, and that is something you should never waste or take for granted!

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about 4 years ago Maeko Nagatani SweetnWild said:

There are two things that make you an amazingly awesome person-though i'm sure i could find more if I tried. Oh wait..I just found another. Anyway- 1-you found my story somehow and said you loved it and made my day! -squee- 2- You write an AMASHING story with great characters a good plot and I can't wait to see where it goes next and 3- you used an epic quote which will now go in my collection of quotes ;) Chapter 2 said I needed a password thingy to see it so I went from the bathroom prayer scene to her hating her dad and Zack fumbling...... If I need a password can i get it or can you make it public? It really threw me off but I like the story either way :)