Realization Ch1

Realization Ch1

1 chapter / 721 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:

Sky is a normal shy seventeen girl....until she meets Christian Rain, a mysterious boy with a mysterious family! One day her parents vanish and she gets bit by a weird man. Only Christian knows whats going on with her and the difficulties ahead

Genres:

Writing, Fantasy, Romance

Comments(10)

Tulips

over 4 years ago Lindsay G. said:

wow, this is great! i love all the detail!

Tulips

over 4 years ago Lindsay G. said:

wow, really great, i love all the datail!

Image

over 4 years ago Brittany Yancy said:

@Miranda Noel Fedoronczuk

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over 4 years ago Brittany Yancy said:

Thanks to Myranda!!!!!

Reviews(3)

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over 4 years ago Miranda Noel Fedoronczuk said:

Okay, so first of all, I'm a stickler for grammar (although I'm not particularly good at it, myself). This story (or, perhaps, beginning) has a lot of grammatical errors that can be fixed with a few simple read-throughs. Secondly, I think that some of your sentence structure could use some work. For example: "School was just boring to me. I'm in normal classes with a genius mind. Everything is too easy for me!" could be changed to "For a girl like me, school is rather vapid. I sometimes question if my teacher himself knows the subject(s) as well as I do." this can be changed in quite a few places. Lastly, I believe that your chapter can seem a little monotonous if it doesn't have a cliffhanger to some-extent. That's what leaves the reader wanting more. Anyway, keep writing :) (P.S. don't be offended by my corrections, I'm only fourteen) :)

Abby

over 4 years ago SuziPie said:

Hey, I really liked the first chapter! I will definitely have to check out the next ones. A few spelling, grammar and capitalization mistakes, easily fixed. I don't know if you have done any editing yet. It could use a little paragraphing work too. Other than that, great job! Really got me hooked on it. Keep on writing!! ~Suzi