We'll Last Forever

We'll Last Forever

1 chapter / 1200 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Description:

© Copyright 2013 Maryn Wosu
~*~*~
Marjorie has had enough of 'in the moment' summer romances, though she only experienced one. One that ended worse than she expected. But Chris, the one who saved her, is about to save her again in a different way. Their the ones each other always wanted, for four years actually... They may be something that'll last a while.
~*~*~

Marjorie means: pearl, strong (she was able to recover from sexual assault), beautiful (well, she IS beautiful), and independent.
~*~*~

Playlist:

Mirrors by: Justin Timberlake
They Don't Know About Us by: One Direction
~*~*~

***Cover by: Me! (Maryn Wosu)
***Picture Curtesy of: Favim.com

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Comments(302)

Milan london

about 4 years ago mena london said:

follow me on twitter? @mma_xoxo

Milan london

over 4 years ago mena london said:

We'll Last Forever

Milan london

over 4 years ago mena london said:

We'll Last Forever

Milan london

over 4 years ago mena london said:

We'll Last Forever

Reviews(73)

Z for song

over 4 years ago Lyssa Silver said:

You have made me whisper "wow" once again. You are a gifted writer! I did find some sentences that may need to be fixed, though.

-"Nicks cold and sweaty hand cupped every part of my body, and I cringed(,) trying to shy away from his touch." I think you should put a comma where I indicated. But that's just what I think. I may be wrong.

-"At that moment(,) Chris appeared in the balcony doors."

-"Chris was my dad's partner/best friends son." I don't really understand this sentence... Maybe you should add more details to clarify?

But really riveting, it flows well, and the details are sooooo vivid!

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over 4 years ago Angela Abraham said:

What's working: You have a great title that fits the story with an awesome book cover, great descriptions, great storyline (however cliched.), and an amazing ending with a magnificent cut off.

But here's what's not working: This whole story is over a lengthy period of time and as much I love this story, the time changes are a little too far apart. Some sentences are run-offish and lengthy and there needs to be more clarity in descriptions. Even though this story is in first person, I don't feel connected in any way at all. You use her in a past tense tone and that doesn't work with this story. Stick to present tense to shorten the narrative distance between the main character and the reader. Adding that depth would emphasize the emotions and maybe this story would fit a longer piece like a novella.

Some words lines were superficial and it seemed like the conflict was solved maybe too quickly for the readers to truly understand their connection (Chris and Marjorie's I mean) . Hope you revise and piece together the gaps and polish this story. I'd like to see more. Thanks for putting up with my constructive criticism and hope I wasn't too harsh. It's a lovely story overall and I do hope you continue writing it. P.s. Maybe more on Nick and Chris would be good too. Like background and personality traits. SHow more than you tell. You say things like I felt this and this happened and that but I think maybe SHOWing us what happens As it happens would be better. Maybe toning down how much the main character knows would better this problem.

I apologize again. I'm not a professional or anything, just an experienced writer with a couple workshops and course classes to prove it and a bunch of short pieces and mutiple works in progress.