Orphan's Lament

Orphan's Lament

9 chapters / 13494 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read

Description:

Charity is eleven years old. She lives in the New York slums. After being talked into joining a dangerous gang, she finds herself just trying to survive to adulthood. This is a work in progress. Cover by Natalie Cooke

Comments(17)

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over 4 years ago R. Ninja said:

This is so great! I love your descriptions and story. Great job!

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over 4 years ago Madison Fredette said:

this is good!

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over 4 years ago Ophelia said:

Wow, I only read the first chapter, but I cannot WAIT to have the time to read it all! Not only is the topic interesting, but the world and characters you have created here are absolutely fantastic! Great job!

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over 4 years ago Scarlett Rosalie Mikaelson said:

Interesting, I really liked this!

Reviews(2)

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over 4 years ago clary gray said:

I read chapter 1, but I fully intend to come back when I get the chance. Your imagery is very beautiful and I have a huge love of social-criticism books. I loved the language in here, and how everything seemed so realistic for the time (I'm a History student, so I get angry when people use modern lingo etc). I liked the bit about the gaslights and all the words you've used that make it sound like Victorian New York. Your style is also very nice, but I would look at maybe cutting it a little, since it's kind of wordy in places (don't worry, I have the exact same problem.) Don't fret about it too much, just wait until you've got the whole thing finished. Stephen King's advice of cutting about 10% of the total word count at the end of the editing sounds about right, but don't consider it until you've finished. Also, second paragraph: the word small appears twice. I would suggest cutting one, or just substituting it for another word :)

Still, this is amazing! I'm definitely coming back for more and I'm very happy to heart it too!

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over 4 years ago BethanyMay said:

I love it!! It is very well written except for only a couple of parts:

"Making its way through the streets of garbage and broken down buildings full of people with questionable characters was a sturdy open carriage being pulled by a pair of muscular horses" If you put a comma between 'characters' and 'a' and take out the 'was' it might flow a little better

"Unbeknownst to the passengers, there was a small girl tracking them through the streets" Same with this one if you take out the 'there'

There were a couple of other sentences like those that were a little rough, but it was fine other than that. I love your characters, and the plot is so interesting, I was hooked from the start!! You did a great job with writing out the accents. Overall, your book is very enjoyable and I am impatiently hungry and waiting for more! Keep up the good work! ~BethanyMay