Orphan's Lament

Orphan's Lament

9 chapters / 13494 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read


Charity is eleven years old. She lives in the New York slums. After being talked into joining a dangerous gang, she finds herself just trying to survive to adulthood. This is a work in progress. Cover by Natalie Cooke



over 4 years ago R. Ninja said:

This is so great! I love your descriptions and story. Great job!


over 4 years ago Madison Fredette said:

this is good!


over 4 years ago Ophelia said:

Wow, I only read the first chapter, but I cannot WAIT to have the time to read it all! Not only is the topic interesting, but the world and characters you have created here are absolutely fantastic! Great job!


over 4 years ago Scarlett Rosalie Mikaelson said:

Interesting, I really liked this!



over 4 years ago clary gray said:

I read chapter 1, but I fully intend to come back when I get the chance. Your imagery is very beautiful and I have a huge love of social-criticism books. I loved the language in here, and how everything seemed so realistic for the time (I'm a History student, so I get angry when people use modern lingo etc). I liked the bit about the gaslights and all the words you've used that make it sound like Victorian New York. Your style is also very nice, but I would look at maybe cutting it a little, since it's kind of wordy in places (don't worry, I have the exact same problem.) Don't fret about it too much, just wait until you've got the whole thing finished. Stephen King's advice of cutting about 10% of the total word count at the end of the editing sounds about right, but don't consider it until you've finished. Also, second paragraph: the word small appears twice. I would suggest cutting one, or just substituting it for another word :)

Still, this is amazing! I'm definitely coming back for more and I'm very happy to heart it too!

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over 4 years ago BethanyMay said:

I love it!! It is very well written except for only a couple of parts:

"Making its way through the streets of garbage and broken down buildings full of people with questionable characters was a sturdy open carriage being pulled by a pair of muscular horses" If you put a comma between 'characters' and 'a' and take out the 'was' it might flow a little better

"Unbeknownst to the passengers, there was a small girl tracking them through the streets" Same with this one if you take out the 'there'

There were a couple of other sentences like those that were a little rough, but it was fine other than that. I love your characters, and the plot is so interesting, I was hooked from the start!! You did a great job with writing out the accents. Overall, your book is very enjoyable and I am impatiently hungry and waiting for more! Keep up the good work! ~BethanyMay