Cross Section of a Winter Flower

Cross Section of a Winter Flower

1 chapter / 1919 words

Approximately 10 minutes to read

Description:

Daily Themes 5/7/13. This is a VERY personal piece so if it sounds very bizarre it was done so with intention. Every part of this story is true. **Cover by Bailey**

Comments(12)

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over 4 years ago Renee Goudreaux said:

Probably one of the best things I've read on here! That took my breath away. LOVED IT

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over 4 years ago Sarah Spradlin said:

Dang! That was really great. There were moments when I wanted to cry, moments when I wanted to laugh, moments when I shivered. And each of them was memorable. I really thought this was a great insight into an author's mind, for one thing, and into life itself. Kind of reminded me of what God does when he finds things he doesn't like in your life. He takes it out -- none too gently -- but still loves you through and through. Thanks again for the swap! :D

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over 4 years ago Theresa Rose said:

I really liked this piece. I could really feel all the emotion you put into it and I felt like I was in the story. It was very believeable and had such great flow and your writing is outstanding. It was so good, and so emotional, I really thought it was beautiful. Nicely done

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over 4 years ago Lydia S. said:

I barely have words for how amazing this is. It's beautiful, well written, and believable. Great job!

Reviews(2)

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over 4 years ago D. Andrew Strack said:

Returning swap for Afterlife.

The first paragraph is incredible. It's highly quotable and thought-provoking, not to mention beautifully written. I really do love this opening paragraph.

"This is your worst part, the darkest, and the one [that] I[, perhaps,] have fallen in love with the most." That's how I would write that sentence, placing 'perhaps' at the end of the clause disrupts a very nice flow that you've established.

You could probably revise it to "It is from this that every other flaw has stemmed, like seeds that have taken well to fertile soil." I find it flows better, again.

I noticed a shift in tone starting with "I remember how youd get mad at me..." and I don't know that you shifted tone on purpose, but it's great.

"...begging for my [love] and [forgiveness.]" - I find it flows better with the word order inverted. See, when I find a piece of writing this good, I'm forced to recommend the smallest of revisions.

"It's a fact, just like it's a fat that tomorrow, when we wake up[,] our first thought will be of each other." - a semicolon doesn't work there as it's not a separate clause.

"We'll put you under a microscope and then into the limelight..." - remove 'after', it's redundant.

Again, a totally stylistic word-choice piece of advice: "Keep your petals closed and open the only when it's sunny out, [never] during the thunderstorm." There's a quotable sentence.

"... and while they do this[,] sit patiently and wait[;] wait for that..."

This definitely stands out from a lot of the work I've seen on here, it really is very good. You can totally hit me up if you ever want to swap again, I enjoy having long-term swapping partners.

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over 4 years ago Patty Pimperstin said:

Well geez, look who's brilliant...

Seriously, this writing is beast writing. The really good kind of writing that makes other writers envious. I'm looking at your profile very enviously now through my computer screen.

I found a grand total of one typo. You say that your lover looks for girls to hang around his "necks." Pretty sure you wanted the singular in that instance. :)

Other than that, this was so beautiful to read. The analogy between a writer's method & a botanist dissecting a flower was glorious. I wanted to devour each word because they were all so delicious.

Now, I have to say, if every word of this is true, it really sounds like you're in a very unhealthy relationship that can ultimately be destructive to you & your emotions. However, I'm no Dr. Phil & I don't know you personally, but if this is true, please be careful.

Overall, spectacular job with this! It's gorgeous & I enjoyed every snippet of it. Thank YOU for recommending it to me in our swap; I'm exceedingly grateful that you did.