To Be Free

To Be Free

1 chapter / 1192 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read


For the What If? Contest. What if a girl could fly . . . and someone found out? Thanks to all of you who have hearted this, but I won't get in the top ten. I'm pretty sad, but you know, that's life. You just have to get up and move on.

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over 1 year ago Super Snowbox said:

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about 4 years ago ScubaKitty said:

Nice job! I like it.



over 4 years ago Hana Rose said:

I did like this, however I think the themes were a little warped in some areas. If Ana can really fly, why would she assume people would think she's a monster? Being able to fly would be the coolest thing ever, so the fear of being called a monster is a little misplaced. However, if you wanted to stick with that element of self-doubt, I'd consider replacing the word "monster" with someone more suitable to the time period, such as "witch" or "demon", etc. But it's up to you. Your first paragraph was beautiful in terms of description, but it dropped away in the second paragraph all the way to the end of the story. Try to remember the five senses, tick them off as you go - you want to drag the reader into Ana's head, especially since this is written in first-person. When writing from a specific character's point of view, you can't be vague or generic - you need to describe everything. Nevertheless, I really liked this, and I hope you end up writing more very soon. Keep it up :)


over 4 years ago Maddie said:

I loved it. I do agree with previous reviewers that I was expecting Ernest to be snobby. I'm not saying that he should be snobby at all, but maybe you could have her explain and elaborate why she doesn't want to marry him a little more. She doesn't want the marriage to be arranged, she wants him to understand her as a friend and not just as a wife and homemaker, she doesn't think he knows anything about her and wants him to accept her (which you did write about that, so my advice would be to elaborate more on that.) Now, I do understand that this is a contest and you probably have a word limit, which is difficult when you want to shape up the situation nicely and also fine tune with the right parts of the story and how it's progressing. Building up a character can be hard, especially if you're the type of person that likes to slowly and gradually do that. I really do like this story though, and though these suggestions could make it better, this story isn't in dire need of fixing and I do believe it will stand fine on it's own with minor tweaking.