Releasing Hope

Releasing Hope

1 chapter / 1197 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Description:

Finalist in What If? Contest - 1200 word limit.

What if there was no hope?

"When there is nothing left, there is hope."

This amazing cover is made by Jennifer Mobley.

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Comments(205)

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about 1 year ago Alexandr Lukin said:

ShowBox program allows you to watch Hollywood movies and Serials too, TV shows which are loved to see you daily, you can explore Showbox app at every moment in every day of your life.

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over 3 years ago Jesse G said:

I get that you entered a story where the word limit was 1,200, but this story is missing some things. A resolution, for one thing (I don't know if you just cut off the ending or got bored). You don't have a lot of description, which I guess I can understand since you had a word limit and description is one of the first things writers cut, but it makes the story feel extremely empty. If I were you, I would definitely try to lengthen this (maybe make it a novel), or if you're going to make it a short story, make it focused on the individual characters themselves with the whole alien invasion thing as a backdrop.

The characters don't really have any point, they're kind of there moving along the story. If you are going to edit it, I would give the plot and characters more flesh.

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over 3 years ago Daijah Monea Bruce said:

Hey I really liked your story! No waonder you were a finalist, and maybe you could continue on it. The characters could be great if you wrote on them a bit more and such.

Maybe you could check out my story I'd appreciate it.

2015-02-09 21.41.00

over 4 years ago Sarah H said:

You had a very strong story set up and creative story line, but I think needs to be expanded. I was interested in your characters, but your story was far to short for anyone to really "get to know them." I think changing that would strengthen your story a lot.

Last critique comment: I didn't understand why the character Anastasia finally released hope. Perhaps if I knew more about who she is and her back story, I would be able to see why she acted in this way.

Great job with this! It's well on it's way to becoming a strong and creative story.

Reviews(31)

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almost 3 years ago Penelope Jenna Hensley said:

This is a nice read overall, especially compared to the other things on here, but I do have a few suggestions for you. The prose needs to be more free-flowing. Don't hack up the thesaurus and pain yourself with being tedious about your choice of words. Just say it like you could imagine someone saying it out loud. The dialogue is sometimes stiff and unnatural. This is an original work, but a lot of the ideas are cliche. Aliens are overdone, as is Pandora's Box. Try and take inspiration from outside sources, not full-fledged ideas. I've always had a problem with that too. Although there are a few mistakes, I did enjoy reading this. Thank you.

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over 4 years ago Jude Kaplan said:

One positive word for this story: Eloquent

One criticism of this story: Needs more focus

I laud your ability to find the words that express exactly what you want to say, because in my experience as a reader, I too often yawn at cliches, stumble over awkward phrases, and am left confused at those "thesaurus words." Nothing beats straightforward, articulate language.

In terms of plot, I am interested in the story, but I'm not sure that it can -- or maybe should -- be a short story. There is too much to tell. Too many characters who are just skeletons and must be fleshed out; too many separate scenes that need detail. I am puzzled by the constant change of POV, because I want to know the characters well enough to be able to feel bad for their losses.