the innocence of blood

the innocence of blood

2 chapters / 616 words

Approximately 3 minutes to read

Description:

analyze THAT english teachers and psychologists :)
another one by my favorite cover artist XxSilverWolfWriterxX

Comments(14)

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about 4 years ago Laura Francis said:

This was very poetic! I think the story is unique. I mean it was beautiful and terrifying at the same time. Amazing job!

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over 4 years ago Kierstyn said:

Wow, this had like a sort of poetic-ish feel to it. It is great! Beautifully written!

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over 4 years ago Jai said:

This was chilling~ I found myself entranced by your words. One thing I will say (since speaking in all honesty) I found that I liked the first part better than the second. Your word-choice and sentence structure flowed better. I saw a few missing commas through-out, but nothing major. Overall I think its really well-done and I enjoyed reading it ^^ great work~

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over 4 years ago Marissa LaPorte said:

The details were stunning. I would love to know more about your characters and hope you expand on this.

Reviews(4)

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over 4 years ago zoe said:

This was much better, it was almost like a poem the way you used the words. But I still found some things. 1. In the first chapter there is a couple of commas that you forgot to put in. 2.In the last paragraph of chapter one say:She turned on *her* heels. 3.This is just a personal problem I have. I think you should use a diffrent word other than pouch. Like bag or sack. Pouch kind of confused me. 4. The women sat cring, she sang in hopes of lifting her spirits. This is what I think you should put instead of the thing with the commas. Yes,it is better than the and's. but when you used the commas, it felt like I was reading a list.

Th

over 4 years ago zoe said:

Awesome plot. But you did have a lot of grammer errors. You did not capital ANY of the words at the start of the sentance. In the first paragraph of chapter one, white dress is not a double space. I THINK hill top is two words not one. I the secound chapter, when you said the women sat etc. you use WAY to many and's. The ideas were sheer genius.