The Epic Fail

The Epic Fail

1 chapter / 475 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read

Description:

A brave adventurer puts his life- and heart- on the line for his true love.

Cover credit is due to Jeanette Nadeau.

Genres:

Adventure, Comedy, Poetry

Comments(7)

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over 4 years ago Mollie May said:

That was so funny and unexpected! I really liked how you started off with a dramatic story and then abruptly turned it back to reality. So like a boy going for that "perfect" girl that he knows he most likely not get. That was a really good piece.

Kiwi

over 4 years ago Keayva Mitchell said:

Haha! This was really cute! I loved the beginning, very fantastical! It actually reminded me of the video for Strawberry Swing by Coldplay - in the essence of a windswept, guileless hero searching for his princess. So excellently done. I also loved the humor of the end - how it all turned out to be a hopeless daydream. I do wish though, that he'd gotten the courage to ask her out - even if she'd said no. Or better yet, if you'd had her say no, and that's why he tripped over himself and brought himself out of his daydream. I think it would've definitely given us a lot more sympathy for yuur character. As it was though, he was definitely someone for us to root for. Great job. =]

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over 4 years ago Charlotte Norris said:

This was a very unique writing! I liked the way the poetry at the beginning talked about a brave hero and a princess and then it became a story about a boy asking a girl to prom. This is a really good story.

Me

over 4 years ago Gracie Belle said:

Really funny! I think you went a little over board with the - though. And I think the story would've worked well if you kept up with the poem until the end. The paragraphs kind of broke the flow. Other than that, good job(:

Reviews(3)

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over 4 years ago Sunny Little said:

You're sneaky. I wasn't expecting that ending at all, not even the fishy title made me suspicious.

As far as the poetry goes, you did a great job. I'll just assume that it is a freestyle poem. Even so, your line breaks were spot on and I could sense a strong pattern of movement when I read it out loud (yes, I did that). People tend to butcher the rhythm when they write freestyle poems and write whatever they want because it's not traditional. So yeah, there are things I take into consideration when I'm reviewing poetry. First, traditional or freestyle? Second, rhyming. And you have no problem in that department. Third, meaning. Because a poem that rhymes perfectly but has no particular meaning to it pretty much sums up most pop songs nowadays.

In your case, you're sort of telling a story and the way you described his journey was really beautiful, what with the sirens and pirates and monsters.

Sorry if I was rambling there, this piece is good enough as it is.

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over 4 years ago Rebekah Louise said:

Oh, my goodness. This was absolutely hilarious. The imagery was really good, very dramatic. I was not expecting him to land on linoleum, and that completely cracked me up. The ending also surprised me; most stories these days have happy endings. At the end, the (...) was way overused. Overall, great job.