Low in the Water

Low in the Water

2 chapters / 383 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read

Description:

Through a child's eyes...

Comments(21)

Sunrise

11 months ago Sophia Edwards said:

Oh! So I didn't read the description before starting and was confused. After reading the first chapter, I thought the mother suffered from the shark attack and then she was watching her kids and getting PTSD. But, after reading the description it makes sense.

Great writing! You do a great job of setting the scene emotionally for readers really quickly. I completely understood the child's fear in the water (I was so ready for a Jaws story) to the mother's lightheartedness over watching her children in the pool. Seriously, an amazing way of writing and super interesting.

Jedi girl

over 1 year ago Melissa Heinrich said:

I thought of Jaws when I first read this...or is that just me?

Dried rose

over 3 years ago Selena said:

I loved the first chapter. The thoughts, the imagery, so much packed into so little.

While reading the second chapter, I smiled to myself a little bit, remembering the first chapter, remembering, glad to know just a smidge of the character's memory, a memory though a child's eyes.

And "Jaws"... that's when I knew it.

"Grey" cap shaped into a triangular shape.

Haha. I loved it. Really, I love it :)

Keep writing!

~Selena

Img_9557

almost 5 years ago Rachael said:

That. Was. Stunning. You simply must win this contest, because this was incredible!!

xo

Reviews(3)

Bd9d8oh

over 1 year ago Paris Pearl said:

This was a really cute story! You put a lot of suspense in the first chapter, then turned it into a pleasant surprise. I loved the feeling of security you implied. There was only one error that I caught, and it was in the last sentence of chapter two. If you broke the sentence up into two parts it would flow better. Overall, I enjoyed this a lot! Keep writing:)

Fullscreenumbrella

over 3 years ago Marissa Riggs said:

I like your juxtaposition of the points of views in the two chapters. Despite some incomplete metaphors, it was really good work and you should be very proud of what you've done here.