The Elementals

The Elementals

1 chapter / 1199 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Description:

Prompt: In 1,200 words or fewer, write a story about two people who are in love despite their differences.

This is a heart-based contest so hearts are super really appreciated :)

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Comments(7)

Red eyes

almost 4 years ago Jai said:

rode*

Red eyes

almost 4 years ago Jai said:

This was beautiful and completely unique. I was entertained through-out and rose the wave of emotions with the characters. I noticed a run-on sentence ( starts with "I watched the ballerina with squinted eyes..."), but not much else. so that's always a plus ^^ any way great piece~ ^^

Hawkeye

almost 4 years ago Abby McGrath said:

Whoa! I've never read anything like it before! It's so surreal and magical- I absolutely love it!!! I love that it's just a girl watching all this happen, seeing a circle. It's so awesome!!!

55327_girl-writing_lg

almost 4 years ago Nina V. Rye said:

What a strange (in a good way!) little story. I enjoyed it, although the plot reminded me of one of the old childhood stories and I am not sure if it was done intentionally or not. Wonder why the little tree man wore Russian dress? :) It was very nice.

Reviews(4)

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almost 5 years ago livie said:

Grammar:

Twelve-years-old should be hyphenated, or anything "--years-old".

Write numbers as letters, or just say ‘all hours’ or ‘all the time’.

Put a semicolon after ‘as clear as a bell,’, and say ‘for when you squint your eyes at a Monet panting…’

You forget commas, semicolons, hyphens, and periods in several places, I’ve noticed. You also have some run-on sentences.

Nice use of the words ‘enraptured’ and 'visage', by the way. I’ve always been fond of it.

‘Creaters’ is actually ‘creators’.

You say ‘one emotions at a time’ instead of ‘one emotion at a time’.

‘Onliterated’ isn’t a word. I’m not sure what you mean by it. Also, how does this twelve-year-old know that the pine elemental is Russian? And why is he Russian if he's from a whole different type of world?

‘Knelt' sounds better than 'kneeled', though both are grammatically correct.

"I love you." instead of I love you.

Commentary:

This was a very original, compelling spin on the Elemental concept. I would delve deeper into the protagonist's emotions, with reactions and thoughts about the things he sees. You leave us with a cliffhanger and several questions, and I can't wait for more. I'm wondering--does the protagonist have power over these things, able to control the elements in inhuman ways, or can he simply see them when others can't? Who is the protagonist? These are questions you give the reader, which is a good thing. Overall, I think with a little more punctuation, this could be a published story, should you continue it. Brava!

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almost 5 years ago Q said:

oh. my. goodness. gracious. This story made my cry man tears. Deep buttery man tears of buttery goodness. Like man magazine blended with tears pouring down my cherubic face. It was heartwarming. It was full of flawed characters and a decent story. I love my Christmas tree too. Thank you for the story. I shall give you a heart