The Boy Across the Lake

The Boy Across the Lake

1 chapter / 1199 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Description:

Winner of the Dare You To Short-Story Contest! This awesome cover was done by Rosie La Puma! A mother tells her daughter about how horrible her father was when they were kids at Camp Redwood.

Genres:

Writing, Comedy, Romance
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Comments(168)

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about 3 years ago Kylan Higgs said:

How interesting and congratulations on the win! Check out my story "Rhythm." I just updated it. Thanks and write on!

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about 4 years ago Amya said:

I loved this, even though it was short it was better that way because it didn't drag on... I love the cover, and congratualtions on being runner up!!!

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about 4 years ago Jillian said:

I absolutely LOVED this story. It was great short.

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about 4 years ago Summer Kingston said:

Congrats on being a runner up!

Reviews(33)

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about 4 years ago S.J. Bouquet said:

Okay! Time for a review. I'll try to make this long and detailed :) Keep in mind that grammar is not my strong suit. So my review will have typo's and I probably won't pick up on any of your typo's (if you have them) or grammar mistakes.

HHhheeerrreee we go!

1. Your first paragraph paints some wonderful details, HOWEVER every sentence starts with "her". In my head, it read robotic. I suggest you use some different words to start your sentences. Have some variety :)

2. Also, first paragraph, grabbed my attention. Good job :)

3. "joining" her forehead back to the window- that sounds a bit awkward. Try another word besides "joining".

4. I like that this is NOT from the insecure kid's point of view :) So many stories start off with a child/teenager starting something new and worrying about how they'll interact with strangers. It's refreshing to see this from the "comforter's" point of view, the person who has to encourage the character that everything is going to be okay.

5. Haha! It's mother and daughter! :) I like how you ended that with her answer as "absolutely horrible". I could just see a little reminiscing smile forming on her lips xD

6. Ooo and attack! The way you ended that paragraph with "planning our next attack" sounded so mischievous and dramatic xD I love it!

7. I like how you introduce Danny and the MC. He is legitimately annoying. It is all believable and not really all that irrational xD So good job! Points for being realistic! Also, he reminds me of my brother- a brown haired terror.

8. Is "Mrs. BigBottom" supposed to have Big Bottom squished together? Because it has a space between the words in some places and then they are squished in other places. So look out for that and make all the "Big Bottom's" match.

9. LOL! "METAL FACE!" "Greet me normally..." They sound like a cute couple xD Love it!

This was sweet! A quick, easy read, and I have nothing to complain about. It made me smile xD Good job!

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about 4 years ago That Mad Writer said:

It was a cute story, but not too sweet or romantic or... ick. I liked the way it was written, and I loved how Danny greeted her at the end xD it's a really cute story. Thanks for the swap :3 *sorry I couldn't critic any better, I didn't find anything wrong with it*

Happy writings!

~That Mad Writer