Children of the Elements

Children of the Elements

2 chapters / 428 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read


(this isn't even CLOSE to my final draft, I'm still tweaking it. thanks for feedback) This story actually sort-of started out as a roleplay on a different site, but, after changing character names and some of the plot, I present this story to you, the reader.
I'm sorry that I haven't been writing much, readers, but the next part of the book I'm still sort of trying to figure out...
Sorry I deleted all the chapters so I can re-write them. It's just kinda necessary to help me go forward.


Writing, Fantasy, Novel



about 4 years ago Sarah said:

Please keep writing!! I really like this!!! It's awesome!

Soul eater

about 5 years ago Emani Terry said:

I dont know about the rest of you, but i actually enjoyed reading it. Do more miss ^^


about 6 years ago Alyssa Antoine said:

i like how you begin the story with a flashback. it's good that you give it a backstory before rocketing straight into the main content. the feeling is very intense and lively - i could really feel the tension in this. i think you could use some more powerful word choice. details would really improve this piece. if you weave some unique wording through this, i think it will stand out much more. otherwise, i love love love the plotline and i can't wait to read more! (i've only read the first 2 chapters so far. i'm off to read moooreee~)


about 6 years ago Zelda Diamond said:

not in a group called Children of the Elements, but the website I was on was called's a Harry Potter website...



about 6 years ago G.E.H. said:

First off, your frequent use of commas, ellipses... and dashes- chops up the piece. It would flow a lot better if you made the sentences more continuous. Next, the tone of your narrator keeps changing. At first she seems like this insightful, serious person, but later when she's going to school she seems arrogant. This may be on purpose, but I just wanted to point it out. Make sure to show and not tell. Soo, I didn't read the whole story but what I read seemed pretty interesting. Good job.