That Boy

That Boy

1 chapter / 983 words

Approximately 5 minutes to read

Comments(22)

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over 3 years ago .V.R said:

Awww I really like this price so far continue please!❤

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over 4 years ago Katie said:

aaaaw, i really liked this story so i'll follow you. That way i'll know when you add more. I'm a frightful romantic so this pulled at my heart strings. It may be slightly cliché but whatever. Maybe slow it down slightly so that we get more back story and their feelings for each other, but yeah, great job :D

Hawkeye

over 4 years ago Abby McGrath said:

I like the premise of the story. The beginning was a little too cliche for me, and sometimes it felt a little rushed. Maybe expand a bit more about how she feels when he's with the other girl? Also, you tend to tell rather than show, so maybe just include some more detail? I really do like the actual story, so I'm interested to see where this is headed.

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over 4 years ago Abigail said:

I like it so far :) I like how they were set up at birth, that there's some kind of expectation behind it. Maybe you could put in how they felt about it at first. You may want to refresh yourself on dialogue rules- a general rule is that when a new person speaks you start a new paragraph. Also, you may want to use because instead of cuz, it comes off as a more professional writing. Keep writing, I look forward to seeing more :)

Reviews(4)

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over 4 years ago lauren said:

I LOVE this piece. I loved the feeling of the world and the characters. Your diction and prose was superb! Please please please write more because It's so good, and I love romance stories. Amzing job, keep writing! Hearted!:)

Me

over 4 years ago Kayla Thaler said:

I loved this! You really need to write more to this. I saw some grammer errors and when there is dialogue, when a new person talks, it should be on a different line, like at the end where they are talking. When she talks and he talks it shouldn't be all together. I loved the plot and the characters in this and I can't wait for more to come. Great Job!