Of werewolves and witches

Of werewolves and witches

6 chapters / 2181 words

Approximately 11 minutes to read

Description:

Werewolves. Why do they have to be not only immortal like witches but also so irresistible? Just my luck to have my heart broken by a very powerful and sexy werewolf named Sean. I wonder if we were meant to be? If we are, will we be able to live with one another for the rest of eternity and not kill one another or be killed by the demons that are constantly hunting me. Early Access Code: FSKEF-T3KU5-OMYHG

Comments(14)

Me bed

almost 4 years ago Emari Valdicar said:

Can't wait to see what happens to the new Queen!

_mg_2877s

almost 4 years ago Krystal Fragoso said:

Ooo, I've never seen a werewolf story that is boyxboy, so good job with originality. I liked the beginning. It really drew me in. Overall, it was a nice start, and it has various ways it can go. Good luck with the rest.

Dont-allow-society-to-turn-you-into-person-youre-not-life-quotes-sayings-pictures

almost 4 years ago StayStrong_16 said:

This was really good! I think that you might want to consider slowing it down a bit and adding more detail! Other than that, great job on this!

Whatistheheart

almost 4 years ago Allie said:

This is good, very hooking....Your characters were very detailed, at times it seems a bit rushed but the concept is interesting ")

Reviews(4)

Crowkiss

almost 4 years ago Vivian St. Crow said:

Hey there, Alex! :)

Here's your review, as promised.

Prologue: "...a very muscular guy with blonde hair and green eyes." You have a stray vowel somewhere in your midst. ;p

"I'm sorry," the guy said. <<< That's the correct way for the sentence to be punctuated. A very common mistake that is easily righted. You do it several times thereafter, so be sure to check all your quotes.

You werewolf speaks in an oddly formal tone... it reads a bit odd. I'm not yet sure if this is intentional or not. But if they're teen supernaturals then you might consider going back and making them sound like teens -- the wolf at least. So far, I haven't noticed this from your mage.

Also, try to vary your he said phrases. Perhaps, he can mumble or state what he says in a certain tone or emotion. Reading 'he said' at some point within every quote tends to make for a boring read. Don't be afraid to change it up a bit! :)

"Now, I wouldn't want anything..." You need a comma after 'now'.

You have a great start. However, I am a tad concerned that this romantic conflict was so easily resolved... It discourages me from reading further because I feel like the problem was instantly righted. Does that make sense? I would have much rather you allowed your character to flea in tears and have his turmoil last him at least a few chapters while his soulmate, Sean fought his internal battle and struggled to overcome it. It's not very realistic to have such a heart-wrenching issue become so instantly right.

Keep writing! You do have tremendous talent and I wish you all the best.

V

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almost 5 years ago Elainia said:

Ok. This story was kind of hard to get into. First, I thought it needed more background on the relationship with sean. It didn't seem like the protagonist was heartbroken. Also I thought Sean fixed the problem too easily. Furthermore, your sentences were short and choppy. The piece should flow. I think if you fixed that the whole piece would really improve.