Heart Stop

Heart Stop

1 chapter / 746 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read


*Finalist in the Fan Fiction Contest.* When Jacob finds out the pain of imprinting on Bella, and the consequences of loving someone you only thought loved you.(Sorry for all those who don't like Twilight, which are most of you). I just started watching Twilight and I'm not saying I'm a fan, but I do admire Jacob! *notice: I wrote this after watching Eclipse. Now that I've seen Breaking Dawn, I know why everyone hates Twilight*

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over 4 years ago Elizaveta said:

The first four sentences are the perfect intro, and I think you describe Jacob's emotions really well. Good story - it's like an alternate ending. :) Good luck in the contest and God bless, Lizzie


over 4 years ago Keira Casanova Hale said:

Wow, that was great!! Love Twilight!!

Grey fairy

over 4 years ago K.J. said:

loveloveloveloved it and it was so incredibly well written!


over 4 years ago Allie said:

I Loved this...the concept of loving someone who you can't have or doesn't love you back :'( But I loved your story. & those 1st, 4 sentences are hooking, I found this to be beautiful and sad, and the ending was perfect! and great detailing and title!



over 3 years ago Vera Delaine said:

Nice. Just a few things I’d like to point out. First, the imprint. Here’s a passage from the book describing the process. My shaking jerked to a stop; heat flooded through me, stronger than before, but it was a new kind of heat--not a burning. It was a glowing. Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was--my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self--disconnected from me in that second--snip, snip, snip--and floated up into space. I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was. Not one string, but a million. Not strings, but steel cables. A million steel cables all tying me to one thing--to the very center of the universe. I could see that now--how the universe swirled around this one point. I'd never seen the symmetry of the universe before, but now it was plain. The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood. It was the baby girl in the blond vampire's arms that held me here now. brainwashing at its finest, I think. The thing is, no imprintee can resist loving her imprinter. Emily tried and got a scar for it. So, regardless of what Edward does, Bella will come back to Jacob or he’ll lose his mind. The overall story is good, though. I like it, taken on its own, although the part where the guys watching her while she sleeps was rather creepy, as another reviewer says.


over 4 years ago You'll never guess my username said:

This was really good, I think you brought the reader onto the pain of what Jacob was going through very well here when you described how he felt while Bella was talking. I´m not a twilight fan, so maybe this next comment is just against the general plot of the books but I did feel that the fact that he was watching her while she slept was a little creepy and made me look at Jacob as a little wierd. However, I haven´t read all of the books and if Jacob watches Bella sleep in them of course that´s just a part of the story. The last line in your story is nice because it gives a foreboding message that draws the reader into the story. However, I don´t totally understand it because in my point of view it could have several meanings. Is he saying that he will die before Bella will because she´ll become a vampire? Or is he saying he´s facing dangers that might bring him to an untimely death? This may be just me, but to me it vauguely echoes of him thinking about killing himself because Bella dosen´t love him. One other thing I liked about this piece was that you managed to let the reader into what Jacob finds so destable about Edward. As a reader I sympatyhized with Jacob and felt that the kind of love Edward presented for Bells wasn´t the right kind. I also liked how you described the love Jacob has for Bella as accepting all of her, even her faults. That even further helped the reader to sympathicze with Jacpob´s way of thinking. Overall, this was great. The reader will be pulled in by the sympathy he/she has for Jacob and by the foreboduing message. This was very sad and sweet. Good job!