*Writing* The Girl with Blue Eyes

*Writing* The Girl with Blue Eyes

8 chapters / 3851 words

Approximately 19 minutes to read

Description:

*Undergoing some major changes*
Katie thought she had a view on life, but than she discovers something bigger than she could have ever imagined. Once she started to believe she understands it, she realizes she dosen't

Comments(32)

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over 3 years ago Grace Hiddleston said:

This is really improving! You have added much more details and fixed some of the characterization issues :) I still see spots that lack in detail, but this story is definitely very much improved. I will elaborate on things that still can be pushed if you want me to do another review, but your writing is definitely better than before, and even before it was good. Great job editing!

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over 3 years ago Grace Hiddleston said:

This is really improving! You have added much more details and fixed some of the characterization issues :) I still see spots that lack in detail, but this story is definitely very much improved. I will elaborate on things that still can be pushed if you want me to do another review, but your writing is definitely better than before, and even before it was good. Great job editing!

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over 3 years ago Artemisia said:

The blue eyes and teal hair make for an interesting story... but please don't ever let a heroin describe HERSELF as selfless. It makes her seem cocky and not in the sexy kind of way because she's shy. That was the only thing that put me off and the bad thing is that it is in the beginning, so it kind of ruined everything. Jokes! I got over it (I had to struggle though) and the story is nice. ~Sade

Beaut

over 3 years ago Pauline JC said:

It seems like it will lead to an interesting story so far, and I'm intrigued by her strange colored hair. What significance does it hold? As for the actual chapter, I think it's a bit dull. It feels more like a list at this point. But it's a good start, good job, and keep writing! :)

Reviews(6)

Content

over 2 years ago Christine Stuart said:

You do a great job helping the reader to get inside the character's head. Something that I noticed is that you switch tenses a few times when I don't think you want to. An example would be a writing 'walk' instead of 'walked.' A great way to catch these is by reading your story out loud. I catch a ton of my mistakes that way. You can also catch sentences that look fine on paper but don't read smoothly when someone tries to read them out loud. I didn't notice any mis-spelled words so that's good. You did have her dad call 'Clare' to the car when Clare is the name of her friend.

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over 3 years ago MisterPanda said:

I see that you're redoing everything! I hadnt gotten through all of my reviewing but just to give you a quick overview of what I did read before you edited, there was a lot of unnecessary commas everywhere, make sure to give more of a description when it comes to characters, there's a lot of information within the first three chapters which is good, you overused some of your words- try looking for other words darling. Also on the third chapter which is one I remembered it was 'pour' not 'poor' rain. If you want, when you're done with it I could give you another review just come and ask :)