My Eighteenth and Last

My Eighteenth and Last

1 chapter / 1737 words

Approximately 9 minutes to read

Description:

*Winner of Writing Scrimmage* It's my eighteenth birthday. I'm a hybrid and they will come for me. They will kill me because I wasn't a Day Lighter or a Moon Child. It is my eighteenth birthday, yes. And probably the last day of my life. *Cover by Trail of Glitter*

Comments(28)

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about 4 years ago Kendall said:

Your grammar is amazing. There were a few errors here and there but I do that too. This is seriously a terrific book and you need to keep going. Good job :)

Wall3

about 4 years ago Saleena Nival said:

This is really interesting and such a unique concept. I like your descriptions and the constant repetition of the word Beep. I feel like it drove the story forward and helped with the flow. Keep writing!

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about 4 years ago Isabel Filippone said:

Wow, this is really good. I love the fact that you gave the guy who wants to kill her a really believable motive. I also love your idea for the whole story I think it's very original. I think you should really continue this. It could defiantly be a really interesting story.

Fus1380

about 4 years ago D. Claire said:

This is really great! You crafted a great character, and your grammar/syntax was right on. Very captivating. Nice work.

Reviews(10)

Wynter nicolette (husky)

about 4 years ago Wynter Nicolette said:

"My mind was at a frenzy for hours at an end" I think that you mean, "My mind was in a frenzy for hours on end." That's the only thing that I saw to change. Other than that, great story!!!!!!! I loved the idea and it's a great character you've got there. Thank for letting me read it!

-Maximum

Bunny

over 4 years ago Armelle Dejoie said:

“My mind was at a frenzy for hours at an end.” This sentence reads weird to me. Perhaps you meant “…hours on end.”

“…treated to[o] much better..”

“…like the sun rays [were] trying….”

“…five of them enter[ed]…”

There that one big paragraph with lot of dialogue in. I think it can be broken down to make reading easier. There could have been more emotion in that part also. Since she is gagged, describing her brother and her surroundings and emotions would be a great way to intensify the story.

The story is very intriguing, I literally got goosebumps . I absolutely love these dystopian types. You have a very unique way to bring in your reader. You left me wanting more, you did your job. Do notify me when add more to this story it was absolutely wonderful to read.