2 chapters / 4804 words

Approximately 24 minutes to read


A 2014 economic collapse spurs the creation of multiple experimental utopian cities.

*This has been on the site before. If you recognize this, I promise I didn't plagiarize. This is my work, that has been up before I took it down to edit.*

The cover was made by Eolian in the Cover Studio forum



about 4 years ago Tierra Nelms said:

What's next??? I'm waiting :D. I really got into it for some odd reason, I'm glad I didn't rush right away. It seems almost like a movie, a good, good, action movie (lol). I don't have any complaints at the moment (I don't think I did the first time either). I will re-read it again, just to make sure. I like how the beginning is set up. To me, its not too fast, its a subtle, easy-flowing pace. However, I kinda wish Rigby wasn't introduced yet. I kinda was thinking it was kind of early for him to be introduced. Other than that, its good so far, KEEP GOOOOOOOING!


over 4 years ago Alexander J. Homeweather said:

It's compelling and leaves you wanting more. It's fast paced but also has its moments where it slows down to catch up. The whole matching is a nice twist to arranged marriages. It's definitely a nice start to the story.


over 4 years ago Angela Caldwell said:

I want to read it again can you break up your sentences into smaller paragraphs. It's easier. I know when you cut and paste it sometimes messes with that.


over 4 years ago Angela Caldwell said:

I got to read your update plus two chapters last night. The first part reads much better. I think her escaping and meeting could be even more exciting. I wanted even more of a challenge. I agree quick explanation of arranged marriages would help maybe. I have read two stories where is was part of the story. Matched and delirium both are trilogies. It does fell rushed. Time a little time to explore you characters and show more than tell. Once she crosses the fence it seemed like tons of dialog. Dialog is good but just felt like it was missing something. Keep it. I am following you because this stories interest me and I want to see where you take it.



almost 4 years ago B.E Kelly said:

It's an interesting story, and easy to get in. But it lacks a certain finesse and that's what's holding it back from reaching it's true potential. The plot is good so far, but you should build upon it to create a concrete foundation. So far so good, B.E Kelly


over 4 years ago Angela Caldwell said:

Keep it up it's getting there!! It was must easier to read and get into the story. It still seems way to easy for them to get out but maybe that's part of the plot not sure. I think at some point we need a little bit more about the experiment the compounds. Do they grow up there or are the placed? Do people have kids once there married and they stay in there. Did people want to be in there was there a lottery. So many question. I wasn't sure why it was needed the place. It doesn't have to be a ton. I think you kinda said something but it really didn't seem like something that was believable. I recently googled dialog to improve mine. I would recommend doing that. It still feels jilted. I have read about speaking it out load. I hope you don't mind me pushing you. I know you have a story to tell and I want to want to read it. That's way I am following you. I think this can really turn into something. I also read somewhere about writing letters to yourself in you characters voice each one to help you know them and make them different and stand out. I thought it was to easy to leave why didn't she just leave before why is she so important if there is a world out side of this why do they have to say? Brainstorm...Maybe her parents owed money and this was there payment...Just a bad a idea those always come out first. There really doesn't seem much at risk if she leaves.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZxs_jGN7Pg what this!!!! It's funny...Talks about the Hero's journey.