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Approximately 4 minutes to read
In a world where future worms its way into your dreams, what is the price? (Winner of utopiacontest, thanks for the hearts)
over 2 years ago Andy S. said:
I do believe you have won, 'Charlotte'.
over 2 years ago Lauren Victoria said:
It's absolutely perfect, the way everything unfolds in a span of only 737 words. Magnifico.
over 2 years ago Aurora said:
A very touching and beautiful piece. I am glad you won!
over 2 years ago Mia K. said:
this is amazing! super good! i love it!! i agree, you should definetly write a sequal! ;)
over 2 years ago Heather Cary said:
I thought this piece was somehow touching! I was able to feel the mother's fears and just her emotions in general. I think you have a gift with having great amount of emotion reaching out to your readers.
Wonderful work. :)
over 2 years ago aaa said:
I agree with everyone. This takes a debate (that I believe every parent should have with themselves) and puts a paranormal/futuristic spin on it. It asks a tough question, "Should we have children if we can't keep them safe from harm?" Or, at least, that's how I applied this story to my day to day life.
An idea: The "counterargument" to this story is that there is a chance(a very small one) that the child could have survived. For example, gravity is a law but only 99.99999_% true. There is always a chance. Maybe this is what the mother was hoping for when she went through with the pregnancy...Thus maybe something to add to the story is this hope. Keep your readers on the edge, keep them guessing.
Finally, the second to last line. This is just my opinion, but I found "who left before life even started" a touch melodramatic. I'd like to believe the mother gave the child a wonderful six years of life. It may have been short, but the child's life at least began. Again, purely my opinion and its a very semantic one. Others may disagree completely and love it.
Enjoyed it. And good luck!