Billy and Emily

Billy and Emily

2 chapters / 2564 words

Approximately 13 minutes to read

Description:

I wrote this years ago for a creative writing class and I now realize that my writing skills have greatly improved since then so I know this needs some major editing and what not. I plan on turning this into a much larger story. Just looking for opinions and such.

Comments(6)

Youandi

over 1 year ago Arwen MW said:

I so wish that I could read more of this. The English teacher in me came out and I have to point out some of the missing quotation marks lol. But in all honesty I really loved this. I want to know how it happened and how they end up; even if they don't end up together.

Tumblr_natx9ysuuh1qcuwqmo1_500

over 4 years ago anbe said:

Aw, this story was so adorable! But like the other users said, there were a few grammar mistakes throughout the story. Also, some of the sentences I read were a bit...awkward. Try reading them out loud? I'm sure you can find them. I'm too lazy to list out everything. Overall, awesome job! Keep writing! :)

211760_1521553991_548539162_n

over 4 years ago Nechole Jacobs said:

wow i was just looking through people's profiles... i know kind of weird, but i love your story. i think it is amazing. i really want to read more about the story. i think it is amazing so far. keep up the great work. i look forward to reading this story :D

18839047_1760319363978548_2393994328221952775_n

over 4 years ago Scarlet River Fox said:

This was cute, I suggest you read it over for grammar mistakes though. I liked the ending, it made me not want to hate Billy. And another thing... If you're looking for title ideas, try The Hardest Part.

Reviews(1)

Large

over 4 years ago Toni Elizabeth said:

First off and I'm being completely honest when I say this so don't take it in offense, but I hate these kind of stories. I don't do the teenage mom thing, don't like writing it or reading it. I find them extremely boring especially when there put into whole stories. So I started this and was sort of disappointed to find another one of them, but I kept on reading and by the time I got to the end I didn't end up disliking it as much as I originally thought.

After getting past the plot I did find that you are a talented writer. The first paragraph sadly I did not find hooking at all, just confusing. I don't like it when people shove in paragraphs just to say that a chunk of time has passed. I didn't get the point of stating that Billy agreed to meet her, when a paragraph down we establish that she is going to meet him, it just seems un needed. Personally I think you could just take that paragraph out and start it with the dialogue in the second paragraph.

"Nobody I knew" you forgot the "i"

It had a sweet ending, where I actually sort of liked Billy a little bit.

I think this story has potential, I knew you mentioned that it was a part of something larger you were writing, but even this I find is underdeveloped. You had the beginnings of character development, but it could use more along with detail. I feel like a lot of it passed to quickly you could have taken more time to add in some details. The dialogue is okay. Sometimes the sentences were awkward and the grammar could use a bit of touching up. Keep writing if you want to turn this into a novel or something more than do it. I think with work this could be a great piece of writing despite my feelings toward the plot. Good luck. Just for the record I actually like the title Billy and Emily, I'm sure there are more creative ones you could find, but there names just sound good together.