Perfection

Perfection

1 chapter / 888 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:

Cover Credit: AMAZING cover by Trail of Glitter. ~
Diana has a secret. A huge, terrible secret that she believes will alter her life forever if discovered by the world... an eating disorder. At school she's pretty, popular, and wealthy, a girl that everyone else envies. Because they don't know what's underneath it all. Diana struggles against depression and tries to keep her secret hidden, tries to keep her "perfect" exterior, but what will happen if everyone finds out? Can she beat her eating disorder, or will she crack?

Comments(7)

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about 4 years ago Maria Ty said:

Insanely moving. I can relate with her story. It was so touching as it reflects the experience of most girls in the girl world. Most are striving to be perfect and we can only see the life of a person outside the shell without realizing the struggles that they are experiencing from the inside.Very nice. Please continue the story. I'd love to read more.

Bowties

about 4 years ago Kassandra Pulsifer said:

That was really impressive. I seriously enjoyed reading it. It really flows and I love the part about the snow :) the way you described it was very realistic, and its something that's (unfortunately) relatable for a lot of people. I really really liked this :)

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about 4 years ago Alexandria B. said:

Hey! I finally returned your swap and I am very impressed! You did a very wonderful job on presenting a real issue artistically and effortlessly. I hope this is not the end! Wonderful job for your first story on Figment. You can read whatever you want on my page since there are only two stories. Good luck on you current and future writing journey!

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over 4 years ago Polaris said:

This was.... wow I can't even.

I liked this, a lot. Usually I'm kind of iffy with Eating Disorder books/short-stories because they hit a little close to home but this was amazing and I was hooked practically the whole time! :)

Reviews(4)

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about 4 years ago Lucy Shifflett said:

You are a good writer, who definitely has potential. Your style is decent and I think something good could definitely come from that.

You have a few extra words in the second to last sentence in the second to last paragraph, you should reread that to fix those errors. Grammatically, everything seems to be in check. Your structure could use some work. I suggest indenting your paragraphs more and starting a new paragraph when there is a new thought. There was a few times where you were writing an inner monologue and the very next sentence went in a totally different direction.

Don't forget to indent your paragraphs!

You definitely have potential as a writer. The story itself was decent but not in any way memorable. I've read it a million times from a million different people. It was unoriginal and judging by your style I see that you can do better than that.

Choose a focus and give that your all! I hope this helped you in some way. Keep writing!

Nyc moon

over 4 years ago Emma Parks said:

I think you have a very good beginning. It hooked my interests because it was relatable. Although there were a few things that I would suggest looking at. I felt like the story line was a bit rushed, but I think by just adding more you could fix that. Also one of your paragraphs is huge and you might want to consider breaking it up into smaller paragraphs. You read my story and know that my grammar is not fantastic, but I didn't see anything that needed major fixing. Overall I thought it was a good, short piece that really made me think.