Dear Mom

Dear Mom

1 chapter / 301 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read


[Homepage on May 9, 2014] A letter a son wrote to his mother the day before a horrifying tragedy happened in the United States' history. . . The people in this letter are fictional, and this was not an actual letter written.



over 1 year ago Alexandr Lukin said:

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about 3 years ago Valerie Starr said:

Oh my goodness! I'm tearing up right now.


about 3 years ago Avalon Nightwick said:

Stories like this can be difficult to achieve. However you've passed with flying colors. Kudos.


over 3 years ago Charlotte said:

oh my goldfish, you are an extremely talented writer! This was powerful, and deep, and really just very well done. You seem to have a future in the writing business ahead of you! Keep writing, reading, and listening in on other peoples conversations in case you might get an idea! :P Really though, amazing work!



about 4 years ago Aula Tullius Sulla said:

Writing a story which takes place in the time of such an event is definitely daring, and it did sound like a real letter. However, you made that event much too obvious. Half the time I felt that it was being shoved in my face. It's nice that you're really trying to get the feel for it, but all you need is the date, the intimacy, and him saying he'll move into his office the next day, and maybe some other things. This needs to sound more authentic, but at the moment it's over exaggerated, such as when he tells his mom to watch the news. If you're going for irony, still it doesn't need to be so forced.

Nice job, but I wasn't convinced enough to be put in this man's shoes. When writing something like this, it's best to really capture the emotions, not just the facts, and analyze using prior knowledge as to how it should look, what would be said, etc. This piece definitely didn't do it for me.


about 4 years ago Jessica White said:

Stories like this one are not easy to pull off, the writers either oversell it or undersell it. You, my friend, have found a good median in this piece of yours. The letter maps out a good skeleton, but you need to flesh it out more in order to uncap this story's true potential. This is really good work, but this is all pretty much telling you how things are rather than showing you (which is the #1 no-no of the writer world). Still, the fact that you can lay out such a hard-hitting story without much description speaks well of your writing ability.

I recommend that you look through your letter again, after the contest is over, and rewrite your description until it jumps off of the page.

Best of luck in the contest, I hope that you found my insights helpful :)