Dare Me

Dare Me

5 chapters / 5086 words

Approximately 25 minutes to read

Description:

Amy Parker had the perfect life. She had her boyfriend, Cody Mayor who was the All American Boy that every girl wanted to be with but couldn't have. But all of that changes when a few heated exchanges between Amy and Cody explodes into something that never should have happened. Read how Amy struggles to defend Cody while he's in a wheel chair and what happens once he losses the wheels.

Genres:

Writing, Drama, Romance

Comments(21)

Grape-vine

almost 3 years ago Gabrielle Lugo said:

I think you changed cody to Jordan in some places XD but other than that it's good continue

Dsgre

almost 3 years ago Heidi Benitez said:

I loved it. I wished there was not as much swearing though. Loved all your characters!

V__3eec

almost 3 years ago Jo said:

You and these Jordans! I think you meant Cody in some spots XD XD

Bni_2cucqaa52nc

about 3 years ago giraffegirl101 said:

This was interesting. The first chapter was pretty well written and not something I expected. Good job!

Reviews(6)

Painting

about 3 years ago Madi Leedom said:

I was planning on reading only one chapter but your work really pulled me in. I had to stop at chapter three though. I didn't expect that at all in chapter one, you really know how to make someone's jaw drop this early into the story.

I didn't catch any spelling or grammar mistakes. And the characterization along with the discretion in this is phenomenal. I wouldn't change a thing in this piece! Great job and I'll read the rest after school!

11825782_724326374338584_8451818606756267769_n

about 3 years ago Avalon Nightwick said:

I was excited when I read the description, as I thought this was going to a piece of writing filled with great dialogue and descriptions. I was, however, a bit disappointed, as the dialogue stiff, and unrealistic. I also find your descriptions greatly lacking, as we don't even know what Amy looks like, and she's the main character! I've compiled a few suggestions that I think might help:

"To celebrate a little, the whole cheer team, which I'm a part of, and the football team went out."

This sentences is a bit chunky and difficult to read, so I would suggest changing it to something along the lines of: "...so the football team, the rest of the cheerleaders and I went out to celebrate."

"He had it all. But not anymore." I'm pretty sure you weren't trying to write this part with a humorous undertone, but I couldn't help but laugh when reading it, because I imagined Amy saying it with a super sarcastic voice. This isn't a bad thing, it's just I'm sure it's not what you want. Plus, saying 'not anymore' right after getting hit by the car is a bit strange, obviously he was still popular and rich as he got hit by the car, it's not until after when he starts having problems.

"I clearly picture our conversation in the hospital room/ Am I the only one who cares?" These are example sentences because you switch tenses, but only a few times.

"Uh, no. Why would I focused on a license plate when my boyfriend just got hit right in front of my face?"

This is a good example of how unrealistic your dialogue tends to be. It's just a bit too full of attitude. I understand you were trying to express how frustrated Amy was the the situation, but this sentence just takes it a a bit too far.

"No, it's okay." I said in reply, hoping they would feel guilty" I wanted to make a point about how whiny and bratty Amy is most of the time, and I thought this sentence was a good example. [Bare in mind stereotypes do exist for a reason] But people are usually more interested in anti-stereotypes when reading about fictional characters. Add in the fact that her character is a bit whiny and bratty PLUS she's also a cheerleader is just ridiculously stereotypical.

So I hope there's a lot of character development for Amy in future chapters :)

"Thank you baby," he said, shoving it into his mouth" This sentence just sounds weird. Nobody just shoves an entire sandwich in their mouth! Lol! Change it to 'took a bite out of it'

"That he was a jerk and doesn't deserve love"

Eh, this is also pretty unrealistic. Change it instead to 'doesn't deserve your love' or 'doesn't deserve you attention'.

Hope this review helps! Good luck and keep writing!

-Missy