Towards Destiny

Towards Destiny

3 chapters / 972 words

Approximately 5 minutes to read

Description:

Not finished yet! Please give me any feedback possible! I'm trying to become a better writer, but I don't always know what I'm doing wrong. This is the first piece I've ever published. Thank you!

Cover from: http://anime.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/248903/

Genres:

Writing, Adventure, Drama

Comments(11)

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almost 4 years ago Jillian Terry said:

its very good i am looking forward to reading more.:)

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over 5 years ago A. Kennedy said:

Intriguing. I like how you can sense her tension in the beginning. I had to take my hedgehog onto a train once and since it wasn't allowed the entire time I was completely in the same state of mind. It's certainly an interesting beginning and plot.

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over 6 years ago Raphael Hythloday said:

Give us more! It's very promising.

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over 6 years ago M.H. said:

Interesting...I can't wait to see what will happen.

Reviews(3)

Wolf

over 5 years ago Canis Lupus said:

This story really left me wondering. Nice mysterious ending, however there's a few things you might want to take note of: First, a few grammatical errors, but nothing major in that department. Second, in the second half of your story you actually completely switched tenses from present to past. I don't know if you meant that intentionally, but it's generally better to keep your tense consistent. Third, you might want to go over it, maybe add a little detail. In some places it the writing didn't flow quite so well. Just my opinion. But hey, it was a very interesting story, and I really liked it (: Great piece of work, really left me wanting to know more of her back story, and what's happening.

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over 5 years ago Cerulean said:

Great job! You really pieced this together well and I love how you really went into Jenny's thoughts. A few suggestions:

Not only is there a typo in the sentence, "I figured was a good place to start looking for David," but at this point, you switch from present to past tense. So be careful!

Also, I agree with the review below me about using a lot of sentences starting with "I." Another way you can fix this is by putting more metaphors, similes, and imagery into the text and really creating a vivid image in the reader's mind.

But great work and keep writing!