When Worlds Collide

When Worlds Collide

1 chapter / 810 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:

My entry for the Runaway Contest. It was inspired by an article I read in Rolling Stone about Kiki Kannibal. I would like feedback on this, please.

Comments(27)

865

over 4 years ago Vanessa Cervantes said:

Swap? Read and reate my story "I Dare You" and I'll read and rate yours. Much love -Vanessa

Mehhhhhhgy

over 5 years ago Emerson said:

i think this is really good! I saw in the description that it was about KiKi Kannibal???? What happened to her....anyway I thought it was a really interesting story and very well written.

Mee

over 5 years ago Emma Noar said:

You NEED to finish this!! It's amazing!

Dino3

over 5 years ago Noah Andaly said:

whole s%^$ this is amazing...can you please write more

Reviews(1)

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almost 6 years ago Bunny said:

I'm still kind of scratching my head at this, honestly.

It was a great idea - quite original and well thought-out. But, like Janelle said, it was a bit choppy. You used too many fragments and short sentences, rather than longer, connected sentences. If you had done that, the story itself would have flowed a little better and been easier to read.

Secondly, I think you were trying to put too much into such a small limit. I know these contests have word count limits, but this was a bit too rushed. Personally, I believe you should have went a little deeper into her background. What really made her want to go so far as to create a new personality? And, quite bluntly, people suddenly deciding to go after her with a murderous intent seems a bit far-fetched. WHY did they want to kill her?

It's a good start, but I believe it could be better.. :) Good luck in the future!