The Colosseum

The Colosseum

5 chapters / 7575 words

Approximately 38 minutes to read

Description:

It is the year 2550 and Anya has entered into the the Colosseum's legendary weekly Tournaments for the money, but things quickly spin out of control as one thing leads to another and Anya finds herself embarking on a suicidal, crazy mission to a place she doesn't even know exists...

Genres:

Writing, Novel

Comments(12)

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over 3 years ago Piper Krogmann said:

I read the rest and realized why you have it five-hundred and forty years into the future, but I still think your tech is outdated, unless the massive wars caused a huge setback on advancement. I watch a show that is set thirty-four years from now, and pens are considered old fashioned. This has a lot of creative potential. Make some unique tech; whatever you can think pr dream of!

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over 3 years ago Rebekah Fowler said:

So, I read the first chapter. I think it's good, and your character's voice is a lot of fun. The setting and personality of your MC really keep the reader interested. However, in terms of keeping a reader's interest, your beginning needs some work. You throw all the background in in one person's monologue, and then you let the story do its thing. You need to spread out the background out a little more, give it time to develop throughout the story. Also, you may want more of a hook before the monologue begins. All in all, it's good, just the beginning needs a bit of editing. Happy writing! ^^

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over 3 years ago Anonymous said:

Okay, first, I love your plot. I din't find any major grammar or spelling errors, and the story flowed smoothly. You may want to think about developing Anya's character a little bit more, but overall, great job. Keep writing!

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over 3 years ago Zero Law said:

Good job with details. It's a hard thing to do, specially during fight scenes. It flowed very well! This is great work!

Reviews(14)

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over 3 years ago Piper Krogmann said:

I hope you don't mind nit-pickers! I have everything in chronological order.

You might want a semi-colon in front of Caesar Wing; I thought Caesar Wing was some sort of fighting technique at first.

If Latisha is new, why doesn't the commentator say so?

Spear and shield he's picked out(;) (semi-colon problem again. They prevent run-on sentences)

In: "I wish that dumb commentator would just quit blabbing so much", either move "just" to "I (just) wish" or remove it completely. It makes the sentence awkward where it is.

How could your MC have recognized the commentator if she was in a dark, closet-like room?

Elevator doors don't open very slowly. That sentence might need some tweaking.

Commentator doesn't need to be italicized.

The commentator doesn't use much punctuation. Is that on purpose?

When you say "left pedestal", you might want to say it was to your MC's left.

Jean(s), a white T-shirt (with) a black robe over it(.) (H)e was leaning

Long(,) straight(,) reddish(-)brown hair bleached blond. If its blond, how can she tell its reddish brown naturally?

Stood around* awkwardly. (* means cut)

No way (was that) her natural hair color

People's head(s)

Was Lance's shield perfectly flat? If not, why didn't he trip on it?

Commentator(')s voice

The word commentator is overused. Look for some synonyms.

(If you kill your opponents)

One last thing: the tech seems a little old fashioned for the setting. Based on the rate of change, maybe try just fifty or sixty years into the future. Overall very good. I was interested from the first paragraph, which is hard to get with me.

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over 3 years ago Mike Ramon said:

I have to admit, this really caught my attention. Outstanding work if I may say, very well done well thought out!