Since Forever

Since Forever

1 chapter / 1834 words

Approximately 9 minutes to read

Description:

Cover by: Danny JJ B

Kennedy Venison, the most popular girl in school. It had to be fate that he bumped into her that morning. He’d had a crush on her since the sixth grade but she never seemed to notice him until now.

John Perron. She bumped into him and her heart pounded. She’d been trying to avoid him for almost a year now. It wasn’t because she hated him but because of the huge crush she had on him since the third grade. Their paths had never really crossed until recently when she found out they had homeroom together.

Comments(14)

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about 3 years ago Kas said:

I enjoyed this. I'm gonna be honest, I read it because it was the shortest thing you had. I felt like you story had a good amount of background in it, but you didn't go on forever. You got to the point when you needed to. I really like John a lot. So imaginative, and you know. Just that weird kid who has a crush on the cute popular girl who doesn't even know his name. Your descriptions were really great, and I liked that repetition you did with the "who else". That really worked for this story.

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about 3 years ago Sky said:

Wonderful story but, you should add more background to your character's. But other than that I thought it was wonderful to read. Very touching. :) Keep up the good work!

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about 3 years ago Joni Marie Girod said:

This reminded of a Nicholas Sparks story. Your characters are developed pretty well and their views of each other and life are really interesting. I liked your descriptions of the sky and revelations of their feelings for each other, though I'd suggest maybe having them weasel it out of eachother rather than suddenly proclaiming how they feel. After years of bottling a crush it seems slightly unrealistic that Kennedy would just tell him. Your descriptions are great! I love the lines: "is that true" "as can be". I don't know if you meant it to, but that rhymed with the next part: "will you go on an adventure with me?". I hope you add more to this!

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about 3 years ago Two-ThirdsDivine said:

This story was definitely interesting. I particularly liked the scene where they were talking about the sky, and John mentioned that he saw all these colors. Sometimes you do a bit more telling than showing there. Instead of saying she’s the most popular girl, why not show it? All the trophies in her room from class president of volleyball. All the friends she says hi to in the hallway. Something to show instead of tell. Your story is a little choppy too. There are too many time lapses and scene changes without any transitions, so it makes it hard for the reader to follow. The dialogue itself was nicely done, along with details. I’d just work on your flow :]

Reviews(3)

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over 3 years ago Liz and Sarah said:

I really like your story. The characters are both very interesting and I really like them. It seemed a little bit rushed, seeing as they haven't spoken to each other until that morning. However I do really enjoy your writing style and look forward to reading more of your stories.

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over 3 years ago Rosemarie Nicole Mele said:

I love this!

“it was his personality that turned them away” was great imagery. The scene with the sky was just an amazing moment. You could feel the character view of the world shift a little bit. Stars!! You’re a prose poet. I absolutely love the flow of your writing!

Best teenage romance I’ve read in my life.

“will you go on an adventure with me” this line made me smile.

So as a short story this is awesome. My suggestions would be in the transitions. Because this is such a small piece the transitions throw me a bit. I like, nay love all your pieces but maybe tilting or doing something to each break might help.

Really I don’t have much to critique this was exquisite, I felt it too my toes. I love your characters and how they developed the story. One other thing would be to experiment with the last line. In short pieces you want every word to count. I think your last line could close with more of a paw from what I’ve seen of your skill set.

Fantastic Job!