What If

What If

1 chapter / 35 words

Approximately less than 20 seconds to read

Description:

This is just a little poem that I had some fun writing. Tell me what you think.

Genres:

Writing, Mystery, Poetry

Comments(5)

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over 3 years ago Liam Cidney Silver said:

I really like the simplicity of this poem. I think more and more often these days people have problems just SAYING the things they need to say. The last two lines in particular were very moving, as they bluntly addressed that most basic of all human fears. I think swapping out some words for stronger synonyms might be a good move, but honestly, this piece is fine the way it is. I really enjoyed it!

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over 3 years ago Cleveland W. Gibson said:

I have two skills when it comes to anything connected with writing. I have an interest in semantics and brevity. So I read your poem and initial reaction as a reader was that I liked it. Then another read took me on a more critical course. I found nothing bad that might upset you . Instead I 'd suggest changing some words for other more powerful ones. Somehow in poetry it is necessary to fit the correct word in at the right place. Only that correct word will do. Think about it. If you fancy a read of a poem I wrote try 'After' (The Highwayman). It was written as a tribute to Alfred Noyes for writing the best new and British poem. Kind regards

Bcn3

over 3 years ago L. L. Violette said:

I like the way you wrote this. It was almost e. e. cummings-esque were it not for the capital letters. :) I love poetry and review it often, and though freeverse is not my area of expertise I must say I quite enjoyed this poem. It was very imaginative and philosophical. I enjoyed it immensely. Good job, keep writing!

LLV

Photo on 9-24-14 at 2.34 pm #3

over 3 years ago Lily said:

Hello, I saw your swap request in the forums. When you get a chance, please give me some feedback on In Red Pen. Thank you so much.

Alright, so I loved reading this--your words left me with chills. However, with it being as short as it is, I believe that your poem needs to be brought to the best it can be. Here are some suggestions on how to do that:

. Add punctuation at the ends of your lines to help the rhythm of your words.

. The last two lines are amazing, but the rhythm didn't quite fit. Maybe something like this: What if the universe simply stopped, when we, among all, have died?"

These are just my suggestions that you can ignore completely. Other than that, fantastic job. You expressed so much thought and emotion in so little words. Loved this.

Reviews(6)

The vampire diaries

over 3 years ago Shammi said:

Loved the rhyming scheme and amazing poem I have to say! :D

~Shamina

Myself

over 3 years ago Amber said:

I really like this. I really enjoyed it. I can really relate to this. I like that it is short and sweet and cuts right to the chase. The only suggestion I have is to use a broader vocabulary. The words are kinda simple. Other then, that really good.