Escaping Darkness

Escaping Darkness

6 chapters / 7433 words

Approximately 37 minutes to read

Description:

Book One of the Blood Mix Trilogies
In the world of Agthana, there has always been one law that stands true; the blood of races must never mix. However, in the ninth year of the rule Black Sky and his queen White Sky a child was born whose blood shattered the laws. Now, sixteen years later the world is about to find out that the child who was said to have died, still breaths and that she is more powerful than anyone ever could have guessed.
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This is a sister story to Escaping Darkness by Rachel http://figment.com/books/743378-Escaping-Darkness

Comments(43)

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4 months ago jannat bano said:

Escaping Darkness seems like an amazing book according to the first chapter. I've read about it through the http://www.getcoolessay.com/uk-superior-papers-best-essay-writing-service-students/ and now I am planning to start reading the whole of it soon.

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almost 2 years ago C.M. Brighid Bachleda said:

I am three chapters into this story and I already love reading it...

I can't wait to read more; keep rocking, rolling and writing!! ^_^ ♥

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over 2 years ago v.c. snow said:

I freaking loved this! I love stories like this, thanks to my love for Once Upon A Time. :3 I would have liked a better background as to what was happening, because it rushed pretty quickly. But this was still exceptional and I highly enjoyed reading this piece. Awesome work!

Figment

over 2 years ago Payton M. said:

The flow and the hook were exceptionally executed! There were few errors so that makes my job easy. :) Add more commas and I wish there were a more extensive back story. Aside from that, nicely done and keep writing! ^_^

Reviews(23)

Rachael 01

over 2 years ago R. E. Durbin said:

Page 5 - *grins* I’m baack! Phew, life really put me through the ringer there for a bit. Busy, busy, busy. But I’ve returned and my inner reader/reviewer is itching to review this new chapter. You know what to do with any cons you don’t like, right? Good. *hands over virtual rubbish bin* On with the review!

Cons:

1) “You have nothing to tie us to him?” – I think you might want to add in a description of the man’s actions here. Is he nervous? If so, show me how. Twitchy? Shifty eyed?

2) “As their minds pulled away from the shore into the darkness.” – This feels unfinished. I feel as if it should be reading “As their minds pulled away from the shore into the darkness, silence, cold like the dead, fell upon them.” Does that make any sense? Not sure. It’s best I can do to explain my feelings.

3) You use the word’ dance a lot in this chapter. Perhaps try a few synonyms?

4) “Not even the stars could be seen.” – Great line, but I was hoping you’d be describing a bit more of the night forest before going into Dustin being fearful. Let us see what he sees and get a bit creeped out before he does. That way we can relate easier.

5) “Calm down, those are only fairy tales.” - Show me Dustin’s reactions and disposition. Is he sweaty? Shallow of breath?

Pros:

1) “There’s no need to play your god forsaken parlor trick on us, sir.” – Ooo, I love that the King provokes his men so. It’s creepy and fits him so well. Poor guys, they’re really going to regret siding with him (even if they kind of have to choice).

2) The Landlocked Sea was described perfectly. Love it.

3) “These are the Animas.” – Yeesh, that’s one way of getting your children to stay on the straight and narrow. Poor Dustin.

4) I love Dustin’s backstory. Hmm, saved because he’s a secret ability that’s useful to the King. Both a good and bad thing.

5) The tension between Dustin and Charmson is great. I love that you show it to me, instead of telling me.

All in all, a good chapter. I’ll be back to read more soon. :D

Rachael 01

over 2 years ago R. E. Durbin said:

Page 3 – I LIIIVE!! *ducks head* It seems all I ever do is apologize for taking a long time in reviewing. I’ll try better in the future. *peeks up* I’m here now though. Took a small break from my own writing and decided to pop on over. I’m going to forgo any grammar mistakes, as I’m sure you’ll be able to find and fix those on your own. In regards to my cons, remember you have full rights to discard them into the virtual rubbish can. *hands can over*

Cons:

1) “The men watched only questioning why the other was there.” – This read a bit oddly for me. I couldn’t decide if this meant the two men were wondering what the other was doing visiting the king or if there were more people in the room and they were wondering why the two men were there. I know the next sentence pretty much explains it, but because this one was so vague it drew me out of the story and had me scratching my head.

2) “He moved as if he was a shadow of the night. Like he was only that of nightmares.” – Because you already used the word ‘shadow’ in the first paragraph, I feel as if you should just say “He moved as if he was only that of nightmares.” Or “He moved as if he was the whisper of nightmares.” Just so you don’t repeat the same word so close together.

3) “…but I will try my best anyway.” – For some reason, I can’t see the king openly admitting that kind of weakness to these men. He’s saying he’s not sure he can explain it, while if you end the sentence at “hard to explain” it makes it feel as if he’s suggesting the two men won’t be able to grasp the concept, as if they’re the feeble minded.

Pros:

1) “One loyal to the king in all workings, the other’s loyalties lay elsewhere.” – I like how the reader isn’t quite sure which one, the thief or officer, is the loyal one. True, logic dictates it’s the officer, but you could always pull a twist on us, so it’s not certain. Love it!

2) Tehe. I like Red. Sassy thing. Go him for smack talking to the king…and getting away with it. I wonder how he got that attitude, living with such a dark and cruel father, but I’m sure later chapters will reveal the answer to that mystery.

All in all, a great chapter. I’m not sure when I’ll be back, as I am still focusing on my own novel, but I do promise to be back.