The Ice Cream Man

The Ice Cream Man

1 chapter / 1000 words

Approximately 5 minutes to read


Runaway Contest Entry :D - Little Kaileigh only wants to go outside, but even that is deemed too dangerous by her worrisome mother and serious father. When the Ice Cream Man visits for the first time in her life, how will she react when she realizes the place she lives will be the place she'll die?



over 5 years ago Melissa Denizard said:

Omigod, this was so good. I liked the mystery of it all.

Jenna in glasses

over 5 years ago Jenna Heap said:

Looks good. I'm gonna read it l8r

Screen shot 2012-03-02 at 6.40.20 pm

almost 6 years ago Jillian K. said:

I like your book, but how did Nadia get killed? I like the mysteriousness and stuff. Good job!

Picture 147

about 6 years ago Nina said:

even the sky seemed to need a fresh coat of blue. i can totally see it in my head. amazing job



over 5 years ago Miriam said:

Very nice! This is lovely. A couple things: 1. Add a semicolon between 'Nadia' and 'we' instead of the comma in the second sentence. Otherwise it is a run-on sentence. 2. Tell us how Nadia died, and continue on with that. It is a bit confusing as to why you told us this except that it was a reason for Kaileigh to want to leave. 3. Bring out her emotions more, make the emotion of wanting to leave more strong. Make a buildup, with the breaking point being her seeing the ice cream man again. 4. The ending seems a little unsatisfying, if it is the end. Make it a little more pilosophical, a little more emotional.

Continue on! You have talent!


over 6 years ago Alex Russo said:

I really liked it. The imagery is amazing. I could really picture it as it happened. And the plot was interesting as well. How many kids run away with the ice cream man? The only thing I don't like is that I don't know how Nadia was killed. I like knowing these things! haha, Ignore me. But seriously, this was awesome. Definitely keep at it!