Comments(90)

Mono

over 2 years ago Rayman said:

Awesome! The first chapter made laugh, and put me into a better mood. Thanks!

May_portrait_1_by_raichiyo33-d7h91f5

almost 3 years ago Sydney Madison said:

This is my favorite book on Figment. Great job! :3

Me 1963

about 3 years ago Linda D said:

...and...and...AND!!!!

V__3eec

about 3 years ago Jo said:

you haven't updated in a while...

Reviews(26)

Me 1963

over 3 years ago Linda D said:

Peeve 21 - “You can ditch your sarcasm out the front door” – who is saying that?

Love the bit about the hippo ears.

Peeve 22 – leave off – As a small ha-ha, the church called “pot Lucks”, pot providences) we all get the reference – it lessens the joke if you have to explain it.

Oh!!! So now I’m caught up to what you’ve posted. Are you still planning to make this your college fund book? By summer’s end? You get the inference .

Me 1963

over 3 years ago Linda D said:

Peeve 20 - I (sat) just waiting around

I bludgeoned her – that is priceless.

The longer he sat in silence, the (heavier) my heart beat – a hard beating heart can also be joyous, but not a heavy beating one.

Bludgeoned is such a great word, you don’t want to lessen its impact by using it twice. Change Newt’s to “Maimed” – or changed the first one to “maimed for life” perhaps having Newt say the word out loud will be funnier.

Because you have Newt breaking into the monologue thought, you should add “This would take time (and)… make us think she wasn’t finished.

Then insulting her hair, or lack thereof.

Hate to be a party pooper, but they don’t shave heads at the point of the gash to do stitches anymore – they actually use the hair as the stitch. They take hair from either side of the cut and knot it at the cut. As the hair grows in the two week period of having the stitches, the knot moves away from the cut and instead of removing stitches, the knot is cut, so not you only have a tiny strip of hair cut away, not a huge shaved patch. Perhaps you could have Willow point that out. It would just be yet another reason Maggie could be mad at her. Blaming her for not saying so earlier: before she convinced the nurse to shave the whole head. The nurse could have tried to talk Maggie out of it, tried to explain about the hair tying thing, but a now hysterical Maggie had screamed she wanted it all shaved off, and to calm her down the frightened nurse complied.