Damaged

Damaged

1 chapter / 748 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:



For the FigmentMillions contest!
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When he died, Aaliyah got everything. But... what did she truly want?
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To be free...

Comments(6)

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almost 3 years ago Lauren Roberds said:

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this because I personally found it very relatable. I lived with an abusive step-father for seven years before my Grandmother got me out of that situation. So, I can relate to the wanting of freedom and can say that you captured that severe longing wonderfully. I also liked the way you presented the history of abuse to the reader letting them assume what they would until you hit them with the truth.

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almost 3 years ago IndiaNix said:

Wow. Creepy in a good way. Short, but I was still interested enough to wonder "She WAS imagining right?" and "So if she sold the mansion where is she living now???" and "Did she ever tell the authorities about that jerk?!" Bravo.

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almost 3 years ago JP Steward said:

This story is really great, I like the twist in it. You did a good job with flow and plot in the word limit. Good job. :)

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almost 3 years ago Maggie said:

Very interesting story! Not sure if I like it, though. It implies that murder is okay if you're doing it for freedom. But the grammar was good, and I've certainly never read anything like it.

Reviews(8)

Curlyhair

almost 3 years ago Lil' Writer Girl said:

This is a great story, and a great take on the prompt.

A few short notes, though; I think the first paragraph could be even better if you added that her dad was completely certain she wouldn't do it. I know you explained that later on, but when I read the first paragraph, he could have been saying that with fear, uncertainty, or humor. For the sake of a good hook, I think you should move that description to the first paragraph.

Also, despite the obvious murder, there is no mention of a police investigation, or a trial. I think even a brief mention of police tape in the crime scene room would be helpful for making the story seem more realistic.

I kind of assumed that after she gave all that stuff away, the ghost left her alone, but you never really stated that. I don't know if that was intentional; it's just something to think about.

All in all, great story! Could you please read my entry for the Evil Twins contest, 'The Gray'?

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almost 3 years ago Destiel said:

Lost Writers Of Figment Review:

A very creepy piece! The description is amazing! There are a few grammar mistakes, but they do not distract from the true brilliance of the writing!

I love the way you described her seeing the ghost and this opens up many questions. You used the prompt well and I hope you win!!!

Would you consider extending it? I would love to read more! Hope this helped, even just a little bit!!!! - Alice!