Wolf Soul

Wolf Soul

14 chapters / 22659 words

Approximately about 2 hours to read

Description:

Antonia, a young witch, isn't like others in her family. She's dreamed of joining the neighboring pack of werewolves since she first met them. Now her desire to exchange skin for pelt is confused with her feelings for her childhood friend Marcus.

Set in a time long ago, where magic was found in bounty; young huntress and witch Antonia must finally accept that her childhood is long gone and step into her new role. Not only is she struggling with accepting adulthood she has to face the truth of her own feelings for her childhood friend who is also a werewolf. Now that they're both older it's harder to keep the lines drawn at just friendship. But crossing that line may just cost them their lives.

Will they risk the wrath of the pack, or part ways as they were always meant to?

Note: I post on several other writing sites. I paste my work here which sometimes messes up the formatting. Sorry in advance but I won't be going through to fix any formatting problems.

Genres:

Fantasy, Romance, Novel

Comments(10)

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over 2 years ago Winterfox1716 said:

Thanks for the update! XD chapter 9 was really good, I hope that you update again soon!! :P

1499558494180272627649

over 2 years ago Winterfox1716 said:

Please update!! This is great! :D

Hilton head pic crop 2

over 2 years ago Tonya Royston said:

I just read a few more chapters. I love the imagery and how there is a real wolf and the werewolves. I am pulling for Antonia and Marcus. Forbidden romances are the best! I'm glad you're continuing to work on this. Keep up the great work!

Antlergirl

over 2 years ago WanderOn said:

Thank you, I'll update soon.

Reviews(4)

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over 2 years ago Banie Lee said:

Hi Wonder On,

For the prologue and chapter one, I enjoyed the love story. This is one story I want to keep reading. I want to know why her mother shouldn’t know about her spending time with Marcus and if Grandma already knows about this blossoming love.

I like Antonia. She is a strong main character who is a true tomboy. I think Marcus could be developed a little more with description and dialogue.

The skinning of the animals made me a little squeamish, but I am sure that is what you wanted.

The description of what she and Marcus are doing is vivid. I can see it happening in my woods. Where is this taking place? What is the time period? What happened to her father?

The love dance between Antonia and Marcus was lovely. However, I felt that the flashback at the end was a little long.

Grammar issues:

Comma Splices – These are just a few of the comma splices. You had many.

A few examples: We followed the trail by the forest animals, [maybe a period] when I pointed out a doe, he smiled…

I looked up into the green all around us, [maybe a period] there in the distance I saw them.

“You can’t aim for where they are,[maybe a period] you must aim for where they will be.”

I could wait all day, buy my stomach grumbled, [maybe a period] I wanted to eat now.

Oopsie word:

The boy, not much older than I, was [take out was] didn’t…

Usage: It’s = it is Its = possessive

Dialogue issues:

“Thought you’d never ask.” Said a smooth voice.

Fix: "Thought you’d never ask,” said a smooth voice.

If you want to keep swapping, I am up for it as I have many chapters to my story. Let me know if you would like to continue swapping, and if you would like me to keep reading this particular story.

Thanks, Banie Lee

Pink_magnolia

over 2 years ago Samara Ward said:

Prologue - Chapter 1 I was writing this review while I was reading your story. So this might be a little unorganized.

The encounter with Marcus is a little vague and confusing. Based on the dialogue the characters seemed angry, but the actions show something different. Some editing a little more details should fix that.

Antonia's character voice and personality is established early on and very well. I really like and the way she perceives her world.

There are a lot of misplaced words, commas, missing letters. It makes your story hard to read and understand sometimes.

I like how you describe Antonia's hunting.

You do a lot of 'telling' or, as I like to call it, hand-holding. These are sentences which are kind of unnecessary and repetitive. I would go back through every chapter and delete every detail/sentence that can't already be inferred. Also some of your sentences are very vague.

Chapter 1 has a few missing commas. Use commas where there should be a 'mental break'. Too many uninterrupted(i.e. w/o punctuation) words can be tiring to read.

I really like how you describe Antonia's actions.

Your dialogue is very natural and enthralling. I also love how you describe Marcus. Though it is very confusing at first whenever he was the grey wolf or not. I would add more details to clear this up. ( I know my critique probably sounds very contradictory right now.) I suggest calling the wold a shewolf, since she is female.

There is also some problems with tense change. Some paragraphs switch from past to present tense. Watch out for those.

Some specific changes I would make.

Chapter 1

P1 -'I was sick of winter.'(Delete)

P2 - 'I didn't.' (Delete)

P3 - 'I soaked my breakfast.....' (Very confusing. Try to reword)

P4 - 'I continued methodically' (Delete)

P5- "Although small....' (Punctuation errors.)

P9 - "I spoke as..." (Delete the 'I spoke as' part.)

P13- 'He used my nickname... with the wind.' (Not sure how necessary this part is. I would delete it, it interrupts the flow of the dialogue. But if you think this part is important, I suggest find a better way to convey this information.)

P15- 'I ignored his prodding.' (Delete. Readers can tell that Antonia is being evasive.)

P16 - 'He gave a little howl...' (Try to reword the 'his golden...a little too sharp' bit. It's a little wordy at this point, but I really like this detail about him.)

P17 - Try to convey some, if not all, of this information through dialogue. Or spread out more through the chapter. I already think you convey a lot of this information already.

P23 - 'I was so startled...' (Delete the 'I was so startled' part.)

P28 - 'I'd know Marcus...' (Delete)

P30 -'I tried to imagine... and food was scarce. (Combine these two sentences, deleting the 'it was too painful' part.)

P32 - 'I frowned at.... no I couldn't leave them.' (Try rewording/editing this bit. It is a little too wordy.)

P36 - 'I though of him...' (Delete. Also your tense changes in this paragraph 'She comes and goes'.)

P39 - Find a way to better way to convey the family's members talents. This paragraph is an info dump, a small one, but still an info dump. Side note: Poor Antonia. I gotta admit that kind of sucks. This is good. Readers are starting to identify with her if they haven't already. Good job.

P40 - Another tense change! 'She pats the goat...' Also I would shorten'I recognize it...' to 'I recognized it from old sleepless nights' or to something of that affect.

P42 - 'She nodded, as...' (Shorten this sentence. It is borderline run-on).

P43 - This paragraph is still a info dump, but a good one. Well done.

P44 - 'I enjoyed the work...' (This sentence is contradictory and confusing. Try rewording it.)

I hope the numbering of the paragraphs. All in all, this a very good first chapter. I'll review the rest of the chapters in the coming week.

Keep writing. And have a wonderful day.

-Samara