Don't Let Me Go

Don't Let Me Go

7 chapters / 10393 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read

Description:

Florence Isabelle Rowe is a talented musician living in Kent, England, with a secret encased in leather. Forced to practice for hours on end, she hardly ever gets to talk with kids her own age or see the light of day. A chance meeting with doctor-in-training Mordecai Harvey changes it all, though, and soon she wants nothing more than to lead a normal life. But when death comes knocking on their door, can they really push on with the tragedy around them?

Genres:

Fantasy, Romance, Novel

Comments(5)

Unknown-1

over 2 years ago Aennli Sky said:

Wow! Nice start so far :). I read up to chapter four and will continue reading when I get more time. There were a few minor grammatical errors here and there but those should be an easy fix. One big thing I saw was that in chapter 2 Florence only remembers mordecai when he tells her his name. However, Mordecai never gave her his name back in that bathroom scene, so there's no way that she knows his name. Other than that this story has really intrigued me so good job! Keep writing :)

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almost 3 years ago C.M. Brighid Bachleda said:

I read two chapters and I find this story interesting; I will try to read more sometime...

Mini lobo

almost 3 years ago Micko said:

I knew I wasn't wrong for following you :D lol I love your stories because of how different it sounds. Like its actually from another city or state and you picture it so well. :D I didn't find anything wrong with it. The story does sound familiar. Have you ever read The Red Necklace? Because this sounds like it could be the first person story of the girl from the book The Red Necklace (I think that's what its called). lol Anyway, I read all of it cuz it was that good. Thumbs up! :D

Mememebw

almost 3 years ago Paige Osborne said:

You have a good idea here, and the two main characters have very distinguished personalities. Some of your dialogue however may not be...era appropriate? ex. "It's been like two years". I'm pretty sure that "like" wasn't used in that sense in Victorian period England. Also, who names their kid Lucifer? Did his parents just hate him or do some people really use that name (especially in the religious era)? I don't know, just wondering if there was some reasoning behind it because if not it seems a bit off. Anyway, so far so good. Keep up the good work!

Reviews(3)

Fullsizerender

almost 3 years ago Brianna Fay said:

I saw your banner on my page and I had to check it out- I'm a sucker for the sorts of stories. I loved it [the chapter that I read.] You've pegged the old language perfectly. There are two things I would stay away from, though. First, your descriptions are a bit heavy. Personally, I like stories that let self descriptions (like when she was looking in the mirror) come for naturally. Things like, "I noticed my usually very pale skin was rosy at the cheeks." Straight out descriptions tend to bug me, but I don't know what you prefer. Second, you use perfect old language in the dialogue but modern language in the narrative. Lines like, "Cheesy line" don't fit. You don't have to talk like Charles Dickens, but I would stay away from modern phrases. I really did love this story. It was overall very good and I will be coming back to read the next six chapters for sure. On your end of the swap, I would love if you could read "The study of life" and/or "Fireflies." Both are very short. Thank you!

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almost 3 years ago R A Black said:

Chapter two

banter - this doesn't really sound like banter to me. It sounds very serious and heartfelt

You can really feel how anxious the mother is from her dialogue.

against the horses hide - horses' hide

Maybe you should describe what her purchase is from the creepy man?

grabbing the shop keepers attention - keeper's

pants pocket - given that your narrating with an English character, you need to make sure she uses English idioms. So, should be trousers here rather than pants.

I like the description of Mordecai

"No, no," he tried to reach - "No, no." He tried to reach

I was going to say yes I just - comma after yes

I really like the emotions in this. They're very clear and believable.