Sempiternal

Sempiternal

3 chapters / 1250 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Description:

My best friend is dying. What more can I say?

Comments(3)

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over 3 years ago A.A. AL-Bark said:

This was a very lovely story with a lot of emotion that tugged on my heart. good work

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over 3 years ago Mr. Morales said:

The journal concept is great. I like how the thoughts flow within the text and it is clear to be written from a person struggling with that problem. The theme is strong and it's a story that people will relate.

If I would add anything, because it is just two entries, I would suggest maybe more descriptions of Lisa. when I say that I mean character building events that describe who she is and how a disease will eventually destroy her or she might overcome and save part of herself.

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over 3 years ago Rockie Heart said:

I'm extremely sad for her. You really brought the emotion on with this piece. Great job and keep writing! : )

Reviews(7)

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7 months ago Ash The burr said:

When it says "Yeah, those are some of the symptoms of this disease. I'm so scared for her." That last part feels so awkward reading and just seems way too put out there. Just try to reword that so it's a smooth transition.

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7 months ago Ash The burr said:

Amazing first three chapters! I'm doing this because I owe you a swap but I think that the story would be better if you take it a bit slower and eventually work up to having the characters find a way to stop it. Sorry I'm not so good with these. I'm a work in progress. This is amazing though! Keep going!