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Approximately 39 minutes to read
A miscommunication. A room of straw. A miller's cunning daughter. A greedy prince and a thief with a golden touch.
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almost 2 years ago Victoria A. said:
I loved this so much! Can't wait to see where it goes from here, I really enjoyed your writing style!
The only thing that befuddled me a bit was, wouldn't she be considered the miller's cunning daughter instead of the cunning miller's daughter? Because she's the cunning one? Well, actually, maybe I'm just reading it weird!
Anyways, job well done! :)
about 2 years ago Shelby Fox said:
I'm so excited to see where this goes! I've read your novel that this is the prequel for so I know this is the story about how her (Grielle? or something close to that) parents met. I really like how spirited Claudette is. I can't wait for nanowrimo camp to be over :)
about 2 years ago Maryam Khan said:
Wow, u really have a thing for old English times or old times of 1800's like me xD It was a great story as usual.
almost 3 years ago Marie Williams said:
Chapter Nine :
Poor thief, terrible story about his mother. But, if you've seen the new BBC Three Musketeers, he reminds of the guy playing Aramis that was Lancelot in Merlin.
Interesting twist, the thief/Rumplestiltskin being noble - possibly - and the prince being the bad guy who is possibly redeemable.
over 2 years ago Cassie Rose said:
I like how you describe the door by telling us what's NOT on it. I thought that was a unique way to do it.
Why is she wishing that a fairy would come? It seems a bit random in the context of the story. Maybe to weave it in there a little tighter, you could mention her remembering stories of fairies from her childhood, and how they would help those in need. Or something like that.
I feel like there should be a moment where she just kind of sits around and lets her hopelessness get to her, but then after a few hours she just gets up and decides to try it. It'll make it seem more like a death sentence when the straw just crumbles.
Oo, a sassy Rumpelstiltskin character! :P He feels a lot like a Peter Pan or Puck-like character, with all his youthful sass and his carefree manner. Might be a darker side under there as well.
I think maybe give us some more inner thoughts of Claudette. In this chapter she just kind of seems to roll with everything, where I would think she would be surprised or suspicious or something. I think it just needs to be slowed down a little and have her ask more questions-- both out loud and in her mind.
I like the twist that he has to pay a price for his magic. I wonder what the price is?
Ugh, he's such a creep. He changes from a psycho to a doting suitor as soon as he knows she can give him gold. You could have Claudette catch on to that as well. If the prince is happy with you, you're treated like part of his family. If you do anything to anger him, though... the dungeons.
Forgive me if you said already (it's been a while since I read the first chapters), but is there a reason he's so obsessed with the gold? I'm assuming it's either his country is in debt, or he's greedy, or maybe a combination of both.
"Now that's a waste of a perfectly good pair of curtains" Is that a Princess Bride reference? :D
Ha ha, I like her being more in control of her situation now. She can be all sassy back to the thief. :P
I know where the story goes traditionally, but I'm really interested to see what you're going to do with it.
I like that the thief is selling out his services as kind of like a scrounger. He'll procure your items, and best not to ask where he got them. :P
I also wonder how many of his grand stories are quite true. :P He seems the kind to create fantastic stories to amaze people.
Show us the more humane side of Laurent so that we aren't wondering why Claudette suddenly sees it in him. Maybe have him be sorry that he yelled at her, or have him have a reason for wanting the gold. We'll need some reason to see good in him if Claudette is going to see it in him.
Gracious, it's been so long since I last read from this story! I'm here to remedy that! ;P
I like her denial that the prince would want her for beauty or cunning. She's not vain, and she knows that there are many others with those qualities that would be more logical for the prince to want.
I wonder how the prince does know about her? It raises some good questions to keep the reader turning pages.
Oo the castle sounds beautiful!
Perhaps Claudette could be a little offput by the opulence? She was very no-nonsense in the beginning, and I just get the feeling that she wouldn't be as impressed by such displays of wealth as other girls might. She might be thinking about how impractical certain things are? She seemed the type to get annoyed with elaborate chandeliers that don't give as good light as rush lamps because they have so much crystal blocking the flame and they are so high up. Or she'd wonder how much money they spend on getting someone to clean the expansive floors. Things like that.
Aw, it's kind of a little sad that she sees that her favorite gown isn't really anything special in comparison to the prince's belongings.
Nice touch making her feel like the walk to the throne was miles.
I feel like Laurent's rise to anger was a little rushed. I feel like he should just go from completely calm to crazy within a second, or have a build up of him getting angrier and angrier. I'm also not sure if the POV switch is quite right. I feel like, since the POV hasn't changed before this, that it's a little jarring at this point in the story. I think I'd kind of like not to see his thoughts, anyway. It would make him seem more dangerous and unpredictable if we don't know what's going through his mind.