Land of Myth

Land of Myth

3 chapters / 2632 words

Approximately 13 minutes to read

Description:

*INCOMPLETE* (Last Updated: 5/29/2015 - Edited Chapter Two)



Giana Xena has come of age. She is crowned second princess, but soon gets involved in a long war between her family and the sorcerers. The infamous sorcerer group, "Serpent", seek to wreak havoc upon the Xena royals in revenge for being persecuted by Giana's father. Giana seeks peace, but will she be able to make peace with her enemies?



(Cover made by me)

Genres:

Fantasy, Romance, Novel

Comments(36)

1005028-_511

over 2 years ago Rosetta Simon said:

While the opening is captivating, I feel like I would like to know a little more backstory about the characters because it feels a little lacking in some way. Also, maybe describe setting and characters a little more? Besides that though, I’m definitely hooked. And the characters names are great.

“Kill them all” Whoa, this king means business! I didn’t expect him to do that just because of one person.

Heh, Valerie and Drake are cute :P

So can Valerie see the past? That’s cool! And Drake’s power is interesting too...I like how you mention the dark magic and how it could affect him in the future. Foreshadowing?

Overall, I really liked it. It’s a nice set up for the story, and very creative. I like how you get right to the action, and I also really like the characters of Valerie and Drake. They’re interesting and flawed, and I want to know more about them. I think you could have done with more physical description of the characters (especially in the beginning, like with King Luther and Marian. A good place might be when Marian tells Luther about Paulina hurting her) but other than that, awesome job!

Dscn0976 (1)

over 2 years ago Kylee Raventos said:

Sorry, I meant to say *don't instantly go from super bad to...

Dscn0976 (1)

over 2 years ago Kylee Raventos said:

Wow, this is a great story! It escalated very quickly, I might add. I liked your use of dialogue; it flowed well and sounded realistic. One thing I would point out: I'm not sure if this was your intent but I'm not instantly rooting for any of the characters just yet. I get that Valerie and her boyfriend want to get revenge, but maybe you could have it so they instantly go from super good to super bad right in the first chapter. It doesn't give readers time to connect to the characters. A suggestion: make them do something good before making them turn to the dark side. Overall, it was an intriguing and very unique story. Well done!

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over 2 years ago Rey LaRoux said:

Wow ! Can I just say this is such a unique story ! I couldn't find any errors so thats good! I only found that on some parts of the story you went kind of fast but other than that everything was spot on ! The detail, Dialogue, and just the flow of this story was amazing ! Great job!

Reviews(29)

Joeyraspberry

over 2 years ago Davrielle said:

First off, you can clearly write, and you write well. I have a few minor things to say if you don't mind. Second, I usually don't critique/review for grammar unless I notice things that are seriously wrong. I didn't notice anything seriously wrong or out of place as far as grammar goes. Your story reminds me of the BBC version of Merlin quite a bit. And Valerie somewhat reminds me of Morgana from the show and I love that show.

More of what I want to say is to do with your story rather than the writing.

I think that the fight could have been developed further. As a reader, I don't like to be out of the loop on something so huge like that. You did right by making it the first thing of your story, as it is what sets everything in motion. However, some more information would have done some good. I feel like I was cheated out of an explanation in the second chapter when you described Marian's fight with Paulina. A best friend who ends a friendship over a simple fight (without any explanation on the writer's part) warrants no sympathy of the characters on my part. A part of story writing is developing characters that we can see through every light possible, that way we can understand why they did what they did. If you're saving the explanation for a later chapter, foreshadowing would be a good thing. Give the reader hints but don't give it away completely if you're trying to keep mystery going. A good part of building suspense is to give the reader a little bit but not everything :)

Second and lastly, Valerie and Drake are interesting characters but their decision, could be one done out of haste but they seem too much of a blank slate in the story for them to actually sound evil. Darth Vader didn't become evil overnight. It took him a while to go to the dark side and even then, he wasn't fully evil. You could showcase something about them. Even if they are your villains, you don't want them heartless from the beginning. Like Elphalba in Wicked, you want them to have good qualities so that the reader can understand why they are turning bad, instead of rushing into it.

I hope you found my review helpful!

Mi

over 2 years ago Artemis J. Potter said:

This was really good! I love fantasy and anything doing with kingdoms. Plus, the political intrigue is there, too. It's very good.

Like the person below me wrote, it was nice how you jumped into the story; however, it does leave the reader feeling a bit lost. I wasn't sure what had gone down between Pauline and Marian, and it would be very interesting to see what had really happened. Perhaps you could explain that later on in the story?

I noticed a few grammatical errors - not many, just a few. “Their armor and weapons clanging in the still room.” This isn’t a full sentence. Just do a little proofreading and you should be fine.

Overall, I really loved this. I just love anything dealing with royalty, though, so it's to be expected that I enjoyed this :) Looking forward to the next chapter soon!