A Thousand Envelopes

A Thousand Envelopes

3 chapters / 4621 words

Approximately 23 minutes to read

Description:

Alaska Fields is the daughter of the richest man in town. From the looks of it, her life is perfect. But behind what she shows, is an insecure girl living in a judgmental household who has to live up to expectations that are far above her reach.
Danial McLean is the school's most popular boy, who seems to have everything. Little does everyone know, that his world is falling apart around him.
They are two teens who would've never collided if it wasn't for their guidance counselor, Mr. Stevenson, who thinks up a clever plan for both of them to interact and let out their most personal thoughts, emotions and feelings, through the old fashioned but beautiful form of writing - letter writing. The only thing is, they don't know who those letters goes to.
Through these letters, Alaska and Danial read deep into each other's heart. Is it possible for two people who have never met to fall in love?

Genres:

Writing, Romance, Novel

Comments(19)

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almost 3 years ago Arietta Coleman said:

LOVE IT!!! I love reading stories like this where the main character(s) have some kind of tragic problem and how they deal with it. Family is a big one because its so powerful. But, jeez, having your ENTIRE family hate you! Makes you wonder whats better; having a family who hates you or having no family at all. I kinda figured at least one member would of stuck up for her.But when the grandmother made that little abortion remark, that was like a punch in the face. I actually got a bit mad. If someone said that in front of me I probably would of decked them. Why respect your elders if they don't respect you? Anyway, all in all I think its a fantastic start and I can't wait to read more! :D

Marsface avatar

almost 3 years ago Mars said:

I, like Tibby, only expected to read a chapter. The concept behind all this is fascinating, though. It's true I mostly skimmed through the last chapter, since I don't really care for angsty thoughts; I was sad I didn't get to see any of the letters. It would have been nice for those to come earlier, although I do appreciate the characterization of Alaska and David.

One thing that really bothered me throughout the story was the excessive use of names. Almost every sentence, the name of the person whose POV it was was mentioned. It drove me nuts, sort of like hearing a nail being repeatedly pounded by a hammer. I'd suggest using more pronouns.

Kat's question about Daniel is a good one, by the way. I was curious about that as well.

Hope this helps a bit :)

P.S. Merry Christmas!

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over 3 years ago Brianna Kobylka said:

Hey, sorry for the freakishly late reply. I read it before and forgot to reply because I'm THAT person. Sorry. But. Are you still willing to swap A Thousand Envelopes for my Hypnotized?

Figment profile horse 1

over 3 years ago Holli said:

Awesome! :D

Reviews(36)

Mehe

about 3 years ago Tibby Kay said:

So, I started out only going to read a chapter or two, but I found myself reading all of it, and wanting more. The only things I found wrong were:

-Oh, well, that was a matter...- Here try pausing at both of those comma's as you read it. Perhaps you should take the first one out.

-far worse than any other statement they could think up off(of).-

And at one point in Tinkerbell and Peter Pan's conversation you italicized a piece that I think wasn't suppose to be.

Other than grammar one thing I noticed was, I almost completely forgot they were British. Now, I'm not saying the language is completely different, but British do have a few different ways to say things. Also, they're more fond of endearments. "Darling", "love", ect. I just think you could add a bit more of that.

Also, I love Gone, Gone, Gone by Phillip Phillips, one of my favorite songs. Great choice!

All in all, you have a great base story here. I'm really anxious to read more, your characters are so deep and intriguing. If you add another chapter, let me know, alright?

Thank you for the pleasure of a good read, hope to see more soon(:

~Tibby

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over 3 years ago Katherine Brown said:

Kat here as promised. So, I started by first reading the details on this piece and found that I liked it before I'd even read a single word. Here's why...You've chosen a unique angle from which to approach this subject. The subject itself is common enough, but the way in which you've chosen to move the story forward is unique. I also like the idea of the anonymity in this letter writing exercise as it allows these two strangers a chance to form opinions about the other without being influenced by the visual. In essence getting to know the soul making the visual less relevant.

Prologue: Para-3 (his skin of a dark brown) is awkward. Maybe just say he had dark brown skin.

para-4 (return the light into her eyes) would read better if you just said return the light to her eyes. (he had always been as a second father) would read better if you said he'd always been like a second father. You don't need the word "Hours" when you're talking about staying up late. (Staying up late) will suffice. Also, (studying and working for days on projects and competitions) would work better.

Para-5 (To see if it would help her or not) (reluctantly, Alaska agreed to give it a go)

2nd and 3rd lines of dialogue. (setting herself down is cumbersome) how 'bout she plopped herself down in the chair. This shows she is comfortable in his presence. Just a thought.

4th line of dialogue (how've you been, he asked as he poured)just more concise and less bulk to the statement.

6th line of dialogue Omit (making his way towards Alaska) you don't need it. It's too busy and it pulls the reader out of the story.

11th line of dialogue (Don't think our sessions together have been helping you lately) again a cleaner read.

16th line of dialogue (Yes, I've talked to him, and he believes as I do...)you don't need Mr. Stevenson told him

26th line of dialogue (Give me a name which he can call you, Mr. Stevenson told her) a more buttoned down read.

CHAPTER 1 Para-1 I don't think you should use male and female. I know why you did it, but it doesn't read well. Use men and women.

Women tried to make jealous might work better with something like this...(as the women flaunted the couture attire, preening like peacocks sparring for a mate.) just a thought.

Another suggestion. Daniel couldn't be less interested in power, money, or prestige or in the people who chased after it.

Para-2 Because for as long as he could remember, Daniel was their child in household, only.

Para-3 (Various kinds of dishes that were all delicious)is too vague. I want to smell the aroma wafting from the kitchen.

Para-5 but would be a better word to use in place of whereas

Para-6 (that didn't intrigue him at all, in the slightest) is redundant. Just "That didn't intrigue him at all" will suffice

BIG QUESTION HERE!!! if Daniels father didn't want anyone to know he even had a son, why risk exposing that fact by bringing him to the gala at all?

CHAPTER -2 is by far your strongest of what you've written so far. It has strong descriptors and less grammatical faux pas. Having said that, as a reader just for content, I am fully on board and engaged and I think you have a great start. I'll be interested to see where you take this. Para-2 (she'd been five, was countless) works better Laughter 'ceased' not deceased Best Kat