Azzy's Abduction

Azzy's Abduction

7 chapters / 8930 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read

Description:

[WIP]

Azrea Libbel wasn't like the other children. She could see things no one else could. Doctors had chocked it up to an overactive imagination when she was little, but it was far more than that. The world she saw was as real as her parents. Now at eighteen, this other world she knew little about cried for her help. Would she become the savior it so desperately needed, or would she succumb to its lure of madness and be forever trapped? ____________________________________ I'm trying something new. I've never written a story before (just lots and lots of poems,) so any critiques/pointers would be much appreciated! ____________________________________ © 2014, [Chiara Damiani] Cover was made by me. Pictures from google. ____________________________________ Inspired by Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland. However, as the story progresses it will become less and less similar. I just haven't gotten that far yet D:

Comments(21)

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about 3 years ago Lily Frazia Jacobson said:

Love this! Saw you were featured and decided to check out your work. Glad I did :)

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over 3 years ago Summer said:

This is so intriguing! What a creative twist on Alice in Wonderland. I love the forbidden feel to this; as if Azrea's visions are dangerous and otherworldly. There isn't much to critique on; you have a suspenseful plot and a strong hook in the beginning. Keep writing!

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over 3 years ago Emma said:

I LOVE the name Azrea, it's a lot like Azura. ;) I like the prologue, especially the ending of "terrifying things" it adds a lot of mystery so people want to read on. Gwen [put] instead of {but} The differences between the [two] instead of {to} Your dream reminds me a lot of how I like to write dreams! The changes between characters seem seems a bit sudden... I had to reread a few times. Maybe a *** when you're changing perspectives? Overall, I love the world you've created here, the colors do seem very vivid, and like Erika Tappy said, it's a nice play to Alice in Wonderland! I love it!

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over 3 years ago Erika Tappy said:

Wow, this is a great take on Alice in Wonderland! I haven't read anything like it before! As I promised, I read the whole thing and loved it till now. I especially liked how you didn't launch into her wonderland adventures right away(like most fanfictions) and told us more about her history. I liked the strict mother's character and how she kept forcing Azrea(beautiful name, I must say) to act like a lady. Adding Lila was a great touch and it was another great point about your book, how you didn't use only the characters in the book. I couldn't find anything much to critique except that you overuse pronouns at times. They were quite a few sentences that began with 'she' which made it a little repetitive. Also, there should be commas before addresses. A little proof-reading can easily fix this so nothing to worry about. Great book I'm really impressed if this is your first story! :)

Reviews(10)

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about 3 years ago K.D. Hailey said:

I have read chapter one and I do a weird thing where I write a review per chapter! So you'll have at least twenty thousand reviews from me by the end of this (Yes, I plan on reading more) Okay! Chapter One, I loved the descriptions you made of the girl who made the butterfly. Just the way you described it sounded gorgeous and was easy to imagine. Secondly, I love the Alice in Wonderland twist (Other than the rabbit that led Azrea when she fell into the hole. It creeped me out to imagine XD) I'm expecting great things out of this >w<

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about 3 years ago Joni Marie Girod said:

I've only read the beginning of this so far, but Im going to be finishing the other chapters as soon as I can. The very begining was interesting, you were able to hook me without some really dramatic first paragraph or sentence (which is difficult). The Alice in wonderland parallels are intriguing and I'm interested in how all of this plays out. The characters are well developed and Azzy is adorable. There were no grammar/spelling errors though a few sentences here and there seemed just a bit repetitive. I believe at one point you say "she had vanished" and right after you write "her precious thing had vanished". That's really all I saw though and even then the story is so good the tiny detail didn't bother me. Great writing! I'll come back to read more soon :)