Realization

Realization

1 chapter / 610 words

Approximately 3 minutes to read

Description:

A short story about what it's like to be in a dissociative state and to come out of one based on personal experiences.

Genres:

Writing, Short Story

Comments(6)

Marsface avatar

almost 3 years ago Mars said:

I've never really been in a dissociative state, so this was an interesting read. I liked the repetition throughout the piece; it almost made me feel like I was reading a piece of poetry.

I really liked the portion where she forgot what her hand was.

Something that bothered me was that the tense changed a couple of times: "Its emptiness is not what made her feel alone," "Not a single thought popped up . . ." etc.,.

Hope this helps a bit :)

--Mars

P.S. Merry Christmas!

Porcupine

about 3 years ago Sarah Kivela said:

This was written incredibly well! I loved the line "a canvas she couldn't paint." There were a few other striking sentences that made this very interesting to read, and I love that at the end it switches to third person. I almost wish that there had been a brief moment of first person in the beginning, as well, almost to tie it together - but that's just a personal opinion.

Overall, I haven't read anything like this before. I love the uniqueness of it, and how powerful it is. Keep writing! Mental illnesses are things that need to be talked about, especially in ways as beautiful as this.

Img_2902

about 3 years ago Aubrey said:

the way the felt as if though she wasn't in her body was described beautifully just like the rest of this story, in a way it seems sad, but over all, its a very well written story :)

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about 3 years ago Laurel Zyvoloski said:

Your description really hooked me at the beginning, and I liked that you described her emotions as well as her surroundings. This was a really bizarre story, I think that you did an excellent job of describing what dissociation is like.

Reviews(4)

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about 3 years ago L.K. Woolf said:

Alright, I'm gonna start right ahead with what I liked. Firstly, your writing is wonderful. It flows smoothly, it is consistent from beginning to ending, and it is enjoyable. Secondly, the description is very well done, it puts the reader in a certain tense and eerie atmosphere. Thirdly, it is very intriguing from the beginning, it draws the reader right in, and although it is gruesome, it is very endearing.

Now, what I didn't like. Keep in mind, this is just me giving my personal opinion so you and many others might not agree but I'll say it anyway in case it helps. 1) I felt the writing was kinda slow in some parts, it made me want to skip ahead. For example, the redundant mentioning of the rain (rain, tears, weather, whatnot). At first, it was nice, but at the end I felt like "Rain? Again?", especially at parts when I felt you were trying to be too poetic "watch the drops cry from the darkened clouds". 2) When I read this piece, I felt like you wanted to put the reader in a certain mood, which is fine. But sometimes, I felt like you were trying too hard. Examples include the microscopically detailed study of every single move she made. The concept of it is interesting, but I felt that it could be toned down a bit. Of course, you might not agree. I tend to read in a visual way so when I read your story and imagined it like a movie it felt over-the-top poetic, which is personally not my cup of tea. 3) The use of the third person. You're talking about being in a dissociative state. This alone implies confusion and loss of grip. But more importantly, it requires subjective input. When you use the third person to talk about a subject like that, you don't allow the reader to get into the mind of the character. At least, not as much as it would it you used the first person. The first person is very useful in transmitting the kinds of emotions that were in the story. It's like if you watched a movie about a person with a mental illness. What do you think would be more effective: making the movie revolve around that person (making you as lost and confused as he/she is) or making the movie centered on the friend of that person, giving you some insight but not enough? 4) I'm not sure if it were intentional, but in the end of the story, you abruptly started using "I". I understand the point you're making in the end, but even if it were on purpose, I don't see why you directly stopped the use of the third person.

Like I said, these "cons" are all given based on my personal opinion and preferences, and you might not agree. And I didn't mean to be harsh in case I were in this review. I just thought you'd like to know what I, as a reader, thought of your story and would've liked to see.

Keep up the good work :) Cheers

Bunny

about 3 years ago InkyMidnight said:

I absolutely loved this piece. Your description made me feel a bit wary about what was happening and I felt it is engaging the reader. I was in anticipation on what would happen next. Overall your writing style is unique. Keep on writing!