Mug Shot

Mug Shot

1 chapter / 495 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read


Ah, to be young again. Reflections of an aging hippie at juice time.




6 months ago Ebony Walker said:

This was a great piece of writing, the character's tone was superbly humorous, and the storyline was great. Keep up the great work! :)

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over 2 years ago Alobear said:

I really enjoyed this. It's very cleverly constructed, combing the flippant tone with a serious message. I loved the bit about her hair looking good in the picture, but also the cold facts about what happened to the released monkeys. Very nicely done.

Dryas julia

over 2 years ago Hope said:

This piece deserves to win. You managed to create a tone and pace that work within the word limit, but the content is so compelling. It's funny, it's thoughtful, and your speaker is believably wise and experienced. Great job, really, and I wish you the best of luck!

((oh, but maybe re-upload to fix whatever font glitch made your numbered list change))

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over 2 years ago Naomi Folettia said:

I liked that you wrote about a person when I think most people wrote about animals. This was about a woman with a past. It was about the days she was young and the things she missed. You did a good job at not making the monkey story sound forced and actually making it sound like it happened. Your's is a nice little story. I don't know what mine is even about anymore :/

Well, good luck on the contest, fellow contestant! :)



over 2 years ago Winston Crutchfield said:

Very sweet. I'm taking your advice as my new motto: "Try to get through the day without killing any monkeys."

Your writing is very clear and touching. Your descriptors are concise and you get straight to the point of the story without chasing any rabbit trails. The first person voice suits the mood of the story, and enables you to pull off the few digressions and internal reminiscence without sounding too contrived. I'd like to see a little more focus on how your protagonist feels now as compared to how she felt back then. I think the few points where you interject little comments (eg. I know. It's odd.) could be trimmed without losing anything. I'd like to see a little more development of sentence structure rather than short sentences. You stumble a little when she talks about getting arrested, and I'd like to see that paragraph smoothed out a bit.

Overall this was very nice. I liked it.


over 2 years ago J.C. Marie said:

Wow. That was such a great story. It was funny and poignant. I really don't have any suggestions, I love it just as is. This is one of the best entries I have read so far. I feel bad that you gave me a much longer review, but I honestly can't say anything else except good luck, not that I think you need it, and thanks for the swap!