Mug Shot

Mug Shot

1 chapter / 495 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read

Description:

Ah, to be young again. Reflections of an aging hippie at juice time.

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Comments(8)

Dryas julia

over 3 years ago Hope said:

This piece deserves to win. You managed to create a tone and pace that work within the word limit, but the content is so compelling. It's funny, it's thoughtful, and your speaker is believably wise and experienced. Great job, really, and I wish you the best of luck!

((oh, but maybe re-upload to fix whatever font glitch made your numbered list change))

Magic fox profile legal with name2

over 3 years ago Naomi Folettia said:

I liked that you wrote about a person when I think most people wrote about animals. This was about a woman with a past. It was about the days she was young and the things she missed. You did a good job at not making the monkey story sound forced and actually making it sound like it happened. Your's is a nice little story. I don't know what mine is even about anymore :/

Well, good luck on the contest, fellow contestant! :)

Pokémon.full.2047417

over 3 years ago Chiara Damiani said:

I really like how you lead into the point. And the monkeys? I could totally picture all of that happening if a bunch were let loose from a lab! Good luck in the contest! (:

Haircut

over 3 years ago Hannah Murphy said:

Well this is just fantastic. The slightly cynical, covert subversion you've got going on makes me all kinds of happy.Sounds exactly like something that would happen and as far as I know has happened. I keep thinking of this one story I heard about releasing weasels from some facility back into nature and how the weasels either ate all the natural animals or just got hit by cars. Also...about 48 days later. Thank god these monkeys didn't have rage virus.

This is my favorite entry. Calling it now. It's early but I doubt I'll find better :B

Reviews(4)

Mybiophoto

over 3 years ago Winston Crutchfield said:

Very sweet. I'm taking your advice as my new motto: "Try to get through the day without killing any monkeys."

Your writing is very clear and touching. Your descriptors are concise and you get straight to the point of the story without chasing any rabbit trails. The first person voice suits the mood of the story, and enables you to pull off the few digressions and internal reminiscence without sounding too contrived. I'd like to see a little more focus on how your protagonist feels now as compared to how she felt back then. I think the few points where you interject little comments (eg. I know. It's odd.) could be trimmed without losing anything. I'd like to see a little more development of sentence structure rather than short sentences. You stumble a little when she talks about getting arrested, and I'd like to see that paragraph smoothed out a bit.

Overall this was very nice. I liked it.

Image

over 3 years ago J.C. Marie said:

Wow. That was such a great story. It was funny and poignant. I really don't have any suggestions, I love it just as is. This is one of the best entries I have read so far. I feel bad that you gave me a much longer review, but I honestly can't say anything else except good luck, not that I think you need it, and thanks for the swap!