Want to follow along with this writing? Sign up Today, it's free and easy
Approximately less than a minute to read
The short painful life of a animal destined for death in a mainstream farming system.
1 of the winners of the 2014 animal rights contest
over 2 years ago KIWI said:
Very powerful story, I myself have thought the same - that its better off this way. The choppy narrative (pun not intended) matches the subject very well. Congratulations on winning. (Man the Food Inc flashbacks D:)
over 2 years ago Katarina Skye said:
That was depressing but, like Amber said, eye-opening. I liked the words the people were saying and how you did that. It was short, but it most certainly got the point across. I don't have any suggestions, so great job!
over 2 years ago Amber said:
This is very eye-opening and well written. You've made me so much aware of animal slaughter. I don't know if this was your intention but now I realize that I don't really think about where my food comes from. Until now.
over 2 years ago Chloëelise said:
I usually try not to think about the way animals are treated in slaughter houses because it's too depressing and I feel there's nothing I can do to change it. However, after reading this, I realize that what's being done to these animals is too sad and painful to just ignore. Your passion for this cause is evident in your powerful writing. The emotions seep through your words in a truly beautiful way. Really, a deeply moving piece.
If you have the time and feel up to it, can you read my short story Cool as Hell? It would only take about 5 minutes or so :) thanks for sharing your work with me!
over 2 years ago Ari said:
First off, thanks again for the cover :)
Okay this was a very powerful piece! I love the way you've broken each line up so it gives a stilted delivery, almost how I'd imagine our last thoughts would be like before we died.
As with the other review- I also belive Inhumane and Undignified are one word.
Also, the line where it says "Let them Free", it feels a little awkward. Maybe "Set them Free" or "Let them be Free" or something?
Then the line where it mentions the people inside the walls, you don't need 'the workers' in the brackets because it takes away from the......punchiness? of the line and I think it's implied anyway.
So yeah, just those few things but other than that it is amazing, in a sad and introspective sort of way.
over 2 years ago Angelina Montanari said:
This was really sad :O thats just terrible!
I found some errors but you don't have to change them they are just suggestions:
the fourth sentence you wrote, "Un Dignified" I believe undignified is one word not two. Inhumane is one word also.
Other then that this is such a good (but really sad) story you wrote. It captures the fear of what is going on and the way you wrote it sentence paragraphs adds to the intensity and the emotion. Good job ^^