Emberwing's Destiny

Emberwing's Destiny

17 chapters / 6448 words

Approximately 32 minutes to read

Description:

Emberkit of ThunderClan is adventurous, intelligent, and dreams of greatness. But will dreams be the downfall or destiny of this tiny warrior? ----------------------------------Credit to the amazing Animal's Heart for making the allegiances. This book correlates with Warriors: The New Kindle by Animal's Heart.

Copyrighted Erica Stegens 2014 All rights reserved.

Genres:

Action, Novel, Fanfiction

Comments(19)

20160428_194335

almost 3 years ago Meyer Oxenhart said:

Awesome! I really enjoyed this fanfic and can't wait to see what happens next. (I am a huge Warriors fan). I loved the detail and description of Emberkit's dream as well. Overall, nice work with this!

Black horse 55

almost 3 years ago Misty Archer said:

I love it! I love characters Emberkt and Spiderkit, and you should write more! It sucked me in the whole entire time, and I want to read more! Thanks for showing me this story!

Scath

Rhinokittycrop

almost 3 years ago RhinoKitty said:

I LOVE It!!!! Sorry, I haven't got time to do a close read and give suggestions, but i really enjoyed the plot!

Drawing 9 out of 14

almost 3 years ago Animal's Heart said:

I liked the second chapter. :) I noticed a few little kinks in the story {for instance, if you look through the Warriors books, you'll notice 'clan' is always capitalized} and some simple little mistakes like when Spiderkit said: "W[h]oa... pet {I assume you meant "pelt"} on fire"

Reviews(2)

Color me rad

over 2 years ago The Spark said:

Emberwing's Destiny

Prologue I like the beginning. The first two, short paragraphs are really intriguing. I think, though, they would have more of an impact if they were swapped about (bearing in mind that this is just my personal opinion!) so that They'll never find me is the first thing that is read. I think this has more of a hard-hitting impact. Just swapping those two about I think would make a difference.

"Looking back over her shoulder, Dawntail could scarcely see a search patrol in the distance". In this particular sentence I think you should change Dawntail to she, since you already used her name in the previous sentence. I just think it was too repetitive.

Your descriptions of Dawntail running are very vivid and they definitely bring the story to life.

I really like how you've begun to weave Dawntail's emotions through this. It gives her a personality and a more distinct voice.

This prologue leaves me asking a lot of questions, and kind-of breathless! which a good prologue should do! I really like the concept for this book and I think it has a lot of potential. However, I think the Clan information you use at the beginning, whilst really informative, takes up a lot of space. I think maybe you should make another writing, and make a note telling the readers where to find it if they want to look up all of the clan information!

I was just flicking through figment, wandered upon your page, and the title caught my eye so I thought I'd review it! And I wasn't dissapointed. Thank you for a very interesting read and I hope this review helped somehow!

Heather

Rhinokittycrop

almost 3 years ago RhinoKitty said:

Yay! I finally got all my stuff done so I can actually do a close-read. I really do love it so far! Maybe, if anything, you can change some of the language to make it sound slightly more… “professional?” Not that your writing isn’t, it is VERY awesome and so good that I seriously want to buy the book right now. But I think a few phrases take away from that a little, for example: (in chapter 1) “His (Spiderkit’s) eyes didn’t bother opening…”, “…meowed. Shrewkit looked at me too…”, and (in chapter 2)“…(Spiderkit) returned moments later with (Cinderpelt) with herbs…” I think that there might be a slightly smoother way to put those, perhaps (and these are just suggestions, feel free to edit them or not use them at all) “Spiderkit rolled over, not bothering to open his eyes…”, “…meowed, as Shrewkit looked at me in concern”, and “(it was the two “withs” that seemed odd)…returned moments later, followed by Cinderpelt carrying a bundle of herbs…” ? Also, where is Shrewpaw during Owldust’s knitting? He just kind of seemed to disappear. It’s not a big deal, but maybe you could explain why he didn’t help very much? But overall, it was AWESOME! I can't wait to read more!