Mysterious "the Isles"

Mysterious "the Isles"

1 chapter / 1016 words

Approximately 5 minutes to read

Description:

Cover by Niki Caldwell :)
Kara wants to explore the mysterious "the Isles", but is the danger worth it?

Comments(3)

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over 3 years ago steven tyler said:

I guess I'm just really confused about the ending. How this girl is stuck in God knows where and then suddenly she's with her uncle. I have OCD so it really just blanks me as to how that jump occurs. Other than that, I did think this was utter brilliance. Keep up your great work.

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over 3 years ago Kayla Marie said:

I think a bit more description would be nice..I didn't really find any grammatical errors and your writing flowed to me. The plot behind your story is well thought and your characters seem well developed so far. I enjoyed reading this! x

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over 3 years ago onefootinhellalready said:

I always try and keep my reviews honest, so you can improve. So please understand I am not being rude :)

Isles out east? Japan!!!

I really wanted the Uncle to reply "Well, I'm driving so shut ya face!" But nevertheless.

I was kinda bored though this, I knew the plot as soon as the girl asked about the 'Evil island' and I knew I wasn't interested. However I guess that's personal preference.

I think it would work better if you started with the girl already on the island and with a bit more mystery. Now, when she gets there we already know the Island is evil and bad.

Hope this helped, Codi :)

Reviews(2)

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over 3 years ago Kayla said:

JUDGE REVIEW:

I really like the take you took on this piece. I thought it was very intriguing and it kept me interested the whole time. Grammatically, I couldn’t really fin anything wrong with it, so all of these critiques are just nit-picking

I really like how it’s not told in order of how the events pan out. I’m a huge fan of stories that sort of jumble up the details and events and I think it adds suspense and mystery to it.

Wandering, wandering, lost. – I think you could replace the second wandering with a word with similar meaning.

“Perhaps I could become un-lost.” – I think the word un-lost seems unprofessional. Found again might be a better alternative.

“ the man replied, and I decide to leave him be. – I think this would flow better if you broke it up into two sentences

I don’t think I would exactly call the Isles “evil” because that adjective seems kind of off when describing them. Dangerous, wicked, risky, might be better words to use.

Other than that, there’s nothing I can really say about it. Good Job! :)

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over 3 years ago Jordan Perkins said:

I think this is very intriguing. I love the mystery and fantasy combo here. Also I love how you told us at the end what was going on, instead of the beginning. It gave a nice touch along with the eye catching beginning. There were some needed commas, I will let you find those. Other than that, great job.