365 Promises

365 Promises

2 chapters / 1321 words

Approximately 7 minutes to read

Description:

For her new years resolution, Ciel plans to complete 365 promises by the new year. Through her journey,she learns more about herself, the people around her, and the truth behind promises.

Comments(8)

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over 3 years ago soffia erickson said:

This was amazing please write more. Also check your tenses. Other than that good job. Thank you and keep writing.

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over 3 years ago Dorothy Bee Vaughn (AKA) JP said:

Great idea for a story, honestly something I would never think of. Big fan of something like this, keep up the good work!

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over 3 years ago J. West said:

I really like your plot idea. I could see this becoming a really powerful piece of writing! I enjoyed your style; you have a succinct and crisp way of making believable dialogue and descriptions come to life. One thing I will say is that in chapter 2, Ciel's reaction to some of Sebastian's "find the most beautiful girl" statements seem too good-natured. If I were her, I'd feel at least a little put out. Nevertheless, well done! I hope you continue with this great story.

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over 3 years ago Marlo Chewwie said:

This is such a good, new, interesting idea. I hope you continue this, I really felt wrapped up in the goofy dialogue between two awkward kids, and I liked that you started out your MC kind of unlikeable, I feel like if you continue this and/or make it a novel your readers will travel so far with you when they see the changed Ciel, after all the promises. A few spelling errors, but you have nice fluency. I commend.

Reviews(2)

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over 3 years ago Delilah Rose said:

OMG! I totally loved this! I'm not usually one of those editors?reviewers who focuses on all unobvious things, mainly because they're difficult to spot. Judging by the person who reviewed this book before me, there seemed to be a lot that I didn't notice because I was so intrigued by the story line.

Honestly, you need to update this. It's flows so well whereas most books I review don't flow very well at all. I just loved how it was so easy to read, instead having to reread sentences, correcting yourself. I haven't done this once on your book so far. No, seriously, I need more.

I absolutely can't WAAAAIT to read the rest! It sounds like it's going to turn out well. Keep on writing and doing the fantastic things you do! :)

Fay

over 3 years ago Tom Early said:

Here to review this, per your request. The usual disclaimers apply - this is my own opinion, and you don't have to listen to it. I'm harsh, but fair.

new years resolution - new year's resolution

I was never the girl to keep her promises - I was never the girl who kept her promises

I was an untrustworthy liar - I had been an untrustworthy liar

I would need to hold my end of 364 - sounds awkward. Reword?

that inhabited it's glass - its glass

"Pretty boring" - missing punctuation

people who are my age - people my age

listening to peoples footsteps - peoples' footsteps. This entire paragraph has awkward phrasing. Try reading it aloud, and fix it so it sounds better.

but today, he just couldn't allow such a thing - no need for comma

"Do share" - the expression is "do tell," if you were aiming for that.

"But serious" - "but seriously"

who seemed too easy to judge a person - awkward, reword.

Good dialogue towards the end. It felt more real as you continued.

This is good, but it needs some work. Your characters aren't feeling quite real yet, but that'll come with time. The story feels like a snapshot of somebody's life, as you were likely intending, but it doesn't have a fully developed hook just yet. Put in something to draw your readers in, at least a little.

The biggest problem this chapter has right now is sentence structure and flow. A lot of the time, your words stutter, and I have to read things several times to get what you're trying to have them mean. While this is still short, I recommend reading it aloud. See if any of what you've written sounds off - a fair amount of it should. The other problem is with grammar and punctuation. Sometimes it's missing, sometimes it's misused. Make sure to keep track of it when you revise this.

Keep writing! :)