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Approximately 2 minutes to read
For the July Challenge. I may eventually turn this into something longer (it's only a little over half the 750 word limit) but for now I'm leaving it how it is. And I'm shrugging noncommittally.
about 1 year ago Elijah Buchan said:
I was able to be thrown into a small section of what feels like a much larger story. Captivating and intriguing. Wish there was more. Good job!
about 2 years ago riley mei said:
Omigosh this is so amazing(:
over 2 years ago Just Passing By said:
wow, it's amazing that you managed to give us a clear understanding of the protagonist, antagonist, and villain in such a short piece! A simple story that is quite creative. congrats on winning the contest!
over 2 years ago Donna Peterson said:
Intrigued and makes me want to read more and more,but at the end I an left a bit annoyed. What is HE??
over 2 years ago Alobear said:
Very strong start - pulls the reader straight in with the emotion of the narrator and the intrigue of the situation. This could easily be developed further into a much longer story, and I'd be interested to find out more detail about the society and the mysterious antagonist. You keep the tension high very successfully and it works well for a short competition piece, but it would good to explore the narrator's character and history more fully and play out the confrontation with the enemy (both the girl and the shadowy "him") with more action and more detail. Very engaging!
I do want to read more of this. I found myself rather annoyed at the first chapter, but only because I REALLY want to know who "HE" is!! :) Felt like I am left at a climax and then dropped and disappointed. Need to keep reading this one.