Friends For Now

Friends For Now

1 chapter / 703 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:

JulyChallenge

Comments(1)

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about 3 years ago J.C. Marie said:

There were some missed commas throughout the story, so if I were you I would read through it and look for areas where the flow isn't right. There were also some sentences that should have been separated into multiple sentences. It seemed to progress very quickly. Maybe draw out the fight scene more. Talk about how they got to the hospital. Did they drive? What kind of car was it? Did they walk? What was the scenery? Give us some backstory on why she and Jake are enemies. You have a long way to go until you hit the word limit, and I feel your story would benefit greatly if you added more to it. It is an interesting concept though. Thanks for the swap!

Reviews(2)

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about 3 years ago ... said:

Great beginning - and I can't wait to find out what happens between Jake and the main character! But in the third paragraph, instead of “in his beat up, old, truck” should it be “in his old, beat up truck?” Also, “humors” or “rumors?” In the sixth paragraph, I think you should get rid of the comma so it should be – “slamming his over sized head hard on the ground.” In the next paragraph, you should get rid of the comma as well – “always had in his front left pocket” and also in “only remembering the cracked leather seats as I sped away.” And in the last paragraph it should be, “makeup messed up,” “thinking that there.” Over all though, an interesting story!

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about 3 years ago Amber Deel said:

Rixa, First off I want to say I love your story, and I am DYING to know more about your main character and Jake, especially their past and what happens next! You seriously reeled me in hook, line, and sinker. There were a few grammatical errors and I have listed them below, but those are just cosmetics, so definitely do not take them to mean anything. Your story kicks butt! Good luck in the contest- if you would like I've also wrote a story for it as well, you can check it out if you'd like. It's the one titled Julie and Sylvie and I would love your feedback.

First line --- should be ----no other way’ not no other a way. Third paragraph---he owns the damn thing; would possibly sound better as—he owned the damn place. Also it would flow better if you removed Suddenly from the following sentence. First line of 4th paragraph threw is incorrect it should be through Third line in 4th paragraph – hitting him to quickly in the face. Does not need the TO. Last paragraph this sentence should read: “I shook my head looking down at myself with my ripped jacket showing my bloody tank.”