I'm Fluffy

I'm Fluffy

1 chapter / 749 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:

Well I think you'll just have to read to find out.

Contest entry for Figment's July 2014 prompt.

Genres:

Writing, Comedy, Fantasy

Comments(1)

Image

over 3 years ago J.C. Marie said:

Where you say "'That's just what I want you to think,' the hero picks up the cutlass..." from "the hero picks up" onward should be a separate sentence. Where you say "anything but, a hero that is, not some basil," from "a hero that is" onward should be a separate sentence as well.

From "here, in Telluris Libellus" onward should be a separate sentence of set apart by a colon. Where you say "epitome of every child's fears," it should end in a question mark instead of a comma.

Where you say "'I should ask the same of you,' Vile grits his teeth, 'after all don't they write you as my clan in their fiction?'" So, where you say "Vile grits his teeth" should be a separate sentence. Therefore, there should be a period after "same of you." "After" should be capitalized, and there should be a comma after the word "all." I don't understand what you mean by them writing Herb as his clan. Maybe just clarify what you are trying to say there.

Where you say "Vile keeps talking trying to get Herb to turn around," there should be a comma between trying and talking. Where you had adorable in all caps, it seemed unnecessary to have it emphasized in such a way. Where you wrote "The cutest son of a doe bit me," it should be "cute" instead of "cutest."

It was a really cute piece. It had me laughing, and it was a great interpretation of the prompt. Great work and thanks for the swap!

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